JESUS CHRIST'S SENSE OF HUMOR (Or, WHY I ABANDONED 'A COURSE IN MIRACLES')

I quit studying 'A Course In Miracles' (A.C.I.M.) in August of 2001. 

Years of daily meditation -- including 2.5 years of short meditation sessions every 30 minutes, day and night -- had made me pretty proficient at it, even if I remained mostly oblivious to that fact.

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I could close my eyes to meditate in nearly any environment and almost always be in the meditative state within a minute or two. By ten minutes I was always DEEP in the meditative state where I might be shown Spiritually-based images or hear Words from The Holy Spirit.
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Considering that in 1994, when I first acquired Joel Goldsmith's book 'The Art Of Meditation' and tried to practice it, and it was about a month before I even knew how to position my hands correctly, 6 to 8 weeks before I ever once momentarily achieved the meditative state, I was pretty advanced now.
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When I first started, it was ONLY because I vowed to try meditating every day, regardless of outcome, and kept myself to that personal vow, that I finally achieved the meditative state after so many weeks. I didn't let myself get frustrated. I wasn't even sure then WHAT the meditative state was -- what it would be like when or if I got there -- but I kept practicing.
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I was already a decent "meditator" before I started working with 'A Course In Miracles', but I think all that practice for years really honed my ability. My old 'Dream And Meditation Notebook' is filled with all kinds of deep Spiritual insights obtained during my meditation sessions. Sometimes I would be shown an image which would clarify a Spiritual concept more than mere words could. All this greatly assisted me in my understanding of God, Christ, and our relationship to them.
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It was in one of my meditation sessions that I heard in my mind the words:
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"We have fallen asleep in God's embrace,

Having a nightmare that we are elsewhere."
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That became my personal Spiritual slogan and remains so today. My entire Spiritual belief system can be summed up in that one sentence. I believe it's Biblically true, too. (I no longer cling to *any* theological theory that I can't find convincing evidence for in The Holy Bible.)

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As I recall, it was also via meditation that I received the expression "reAlationship with God", which I have used often.

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The trouble that developed while I was going through the "Course" portion of 'A Course In Miracles' for the third time had only a little to do with the way many Biblical verses had been interpreted. Because of my years working with the Joel Goldsmith material, I had already become accustomed to "unorthodox interpretations". I knew for a fact (and it is indeed a fact which I still accept today) that many Bible verses have multiple meanings and sometimes one needs help from The Holy Spirit to catch the deepest Spiritual meanings that God has placed therein.
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So, interpreting Biblical verses in "unorthodox" ways was something I had already (unfortunately, in some cases) come to accept, and there was little difference in the overall worldview of Joel Goldsmith and A.C.I.M.
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Yes, there were times when I was uncomfortable with some of the ways that "Atonement" was explained in A.C.I.M. But I figured maybe my own concept was somewhat incorrect. So I learned to just go along with it.
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And I should mention that even today most dogmatic "orthodox" Christians would argue that I am still heavily deluded because, 30 years after my baptism by Jesus, I still maintain certain beliefs that would get me kicked out of most "proper" Christian churches. Examples: I do NOT believe in the Trinitarian concept in the same sense that standard Christians do (no, Jesus is NOT God!); and I am absolutely 100% convinced that reincarnation often occurs, etc. I hold these beliefs today because of what I've found in The Holy Bible after reading it cover-to-cover about 30 times.

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The real trouble I developed with the A.C.I.M. lessons -- and especially the A.C.I.M. text itself -- was that I had begun to notice statements I couldn't correlate, and no amount of "twisted translations" (or, Scripture twisting) could ease my mind and satisfy me that I'd found a way to make them work together, rather than contradict each other.
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I'd be thinking: Well, if Statement A is correct, then how can Statement C be correct also? And if Statement D is correct, how can Statement B be correct? And if Statement E is correct, how can Statements A, B, C, and D be correct? And if JESUS CHRIST dictated all this material to Helen Schucman, how can Jesus contradict Himself? How can there be so much as one single error in this massive book and Course?!
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A.C.I.M. is so astoundingly complicated, so mind-boggling in its complexity (despite the simple appearance of its aphorisms), that it took me almost 5 years of INTENSE STUDY before I began to notice some of these little contradictions, little cracks or fissures in the minutiae of the Text, Workbook, and Manual For Teachers. I believe that God has geared my brain toward a natural, frequent recognition of patterns, yet even so, A.C.I.M. is so indescribably intricate that it took me all those years of daily reading and contemplating before some discrepancies began to take form in my mind.

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More and more these little "continuity cracks" began to prey on my mind, making me uneasy. For awhile I tried to ignore them, but every time I'd encounter a new one, it would remind me of the others and it would start my worrying all over again. (And no, there WEREN'T a lot of continuity cracks - just enough.) And each time I discovered a new one, I would be reminded of the times I'd been diabolically deceived in the past, beginning with the Edgar Cayce readings; finding that Joel Goldsmith had been a 33rd degree Freemason; learning that UFOs and their occupants are actually demons, etc., etc.

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I couldn't help worrying that once again I was being fed 16 drops of deadly poison in a sea of beauty.

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I couldn't stand it anymore, so like I'd done before, regarding Joel Goldsmith, I put pen to paper. (This was still my pre-computer days.) I wrote a letter to Kenneth Wapnick who knew more about A.C.I.M. than any other living person.

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I gave Mr. Wapnick my background regarding A.C.I.M. -- told him how many times I'd read it and that I was currently on my third trip through the actual Course lessons -- so he would know he was dealing with a really devoted and true student of the material. Then, using my copious notes, I laid out some of the more important discrepancies I'd found, explained my concerns, and asked him if he could resolve these issues for me.
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He promptly sent back a cordial letter in which he addressed the questions I'd raised. Unfortunately -- I mean "unfortunately" in a very sincere way -- his answers did not satisfy me. Those he offered seemed like more "twisted translations" to me, and there wasn't really anything in his answers that I hadn't already thought of myself and tried applying without achieving a sense of satisfaction and peace about it.

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I really loved A.C.I.M. -- I desperately WANTED it to be REAL, to be a genuine communication to the world from Christ Yeshua -- the very last thing that I wanted to do was stop studying it and meditating on it. I loved it so much that were I to cease and desist, it seemed to me as if I would be turning back on an only child of mine that I dearly loved. 
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And I finally prayed to Jesus about it -- which, OF COURSE, is what I should have done about it FIRST!! Why did I go to Jesus about this as a "last resort" when it SHOULD have been my FIRST CHOICE? I have only one legitimate explanation: 

Uhp! I'm an idiot!

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I felt so concerned about this whole thing, and the world's foremost A.C.I.M. expert, Kenneth Wapnick, being unable to provide me with any usable answers only enhanced my uneasiness. So, I made up my mind that I was going to DISCONTINUE FOREVER my study of A.C.I.M. unless Jesus personally told me it was OK to continue. It would take Christ's own "stamp of approval" if I were to remain on this particular spiritual path.

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On July 13, 2001, I prayed to Jesus, explaining what I'd been doing, telling Him the reasons for my concern, and letting Him know that I would continue doing the A.C.I.M. lessons I was currently working on and that I would pray to Him about this daily for a total of 31 days -- a full month. I let Yeshua know that UNLESS He answered my prayers in some incontrovertible, unmistakable way, clearly showing me that He approved of me continuing to study A.C.I.M., I would simply cease and never pick it up again.
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So, the "31-Day A.C.I.M. COUNTDOWN" began on 7/13/2001, and Jesus had until 11:59 PM on August 12 to make me know that He approved of me continuing these studies. I kept doing the daily Course lessons until then, and I prayed to Him about it every day.

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Because I loved the message of A.C.I.M. so much, and because I really did NOT want to discontinue it, I felt very much as if I were about to "sacrifice" my only son, much like Abraham was going to sacrifice his only son Isaac in Genesis 22:1-19.
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In fact, the "Abraham / Issac" story from Genesis 22 quickly became my personal mental motif during that month of prayers. I reflected on how it seemed so similar, in one sense, to what I was going through. And, undoubtedly like Abraham before me, I was hoping that a Divine intervention would prevent me from having to "sacrifice" A.C.I.M. on the altar of Truth.

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I wasn't asking Jesus to do anything UNLESS He wanted me to continue with 'A Course In Miracles'. If He did NOT want me to continue, He could simply do nothing at all and I would quit forever after August 12th. Intuitively, I felt that IF Jesus were going to answer my prayer at all, He would probably do so on the first day of the "Countdown" (7/13) or on the last day of the "Countdown" (8/12). I guessed that simply because it would add even more weight to the answer, letting me know that He had clearly heard the prayer and was acknowledging the specific time frame I had imposed on it.
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That first day, I was in a heightened state of awareness: I was watching and listening to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, so as not to miss a message from Jesus if He delivered one in some visual way, or perhaps through the words of another.
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By the end of Day 1, nothing had happened and my mind was exhausted from thinking about and analyzing every little thing I encountered throughout that day and night. For the first week, I remained in this heightened state of awareness.
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After the 1st Week, I relaxed some, realizing that Jesus might not DO ANYTHING, and THAT in itself would be the answer. So I remained very alert, but I wasn't mentally wearing myself out anymore.

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At the end of Week 2, still nothing unusual, nothing that seemed like a response from Jesus had occurred. Week 3 came and went and still no answer of any kind. I was still doing the lessons, and praying and meditating every day.
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It just so happened that I had scheduled a vacation that coincided with Week 4. I flew from Phoenix to Reno and checked into Room #1701 at The Sundowner Hotel & Casino.

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I went about the business of being on vacation but I maintained my daily routines. Being in Reno with all the lights and noise and activity, there was a lot more than usual to analyze. Everything I saw and heard I questioned: Could that be an answer that I should continue with A.C.I.M.? But I got nuttin' at all. Even MY overactive imagination couldn't reasonably twist anything into a nod of assent from Yeshua.

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It was August 12, 2001, THE FINAL DAY OF THE A.C.I.M. "COUNTDOWN". A whole month had gone by, and now I was pretty much resigned to the idea that He was not going to do anything, meaning that in 24 hours, "Abraham" (me) was going to have to sacrifice his "Isaac" ('A Course In Miracles').

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The day was uneventful. I was even kind of bored and looking forward to going home. I was working on A.C.I.M. Lesson #264 (for the third time in my life). At about 6:40 PM or so, I realized that I'd not yet done my regular daily meditation. (I'm referring to my normal 30-60 minute meditation sessions, over and above the short A.C.I.M. lesson meditations.) So I decided to go back to my hotel room to meditate.

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I took the elevator up to the 17th floor and walked to my door at the very end of the hallway. Right next to my door was a big window that looked out over many blocks of Reno to the South. I just stood there for a few minutes watching the activity below, and then I noticed that a few blocks away, only a block from the Truckee River, there was a Catholic church and people were converging on it from all directions. Obviously they were arriving for a 7:00 PM mass.
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[A few years later I discovered that this same church, Saint Thomas Aquinas Cathedral on West Second Street in Reno, played the part of "Saint Anne's Academy" (1968) in the very first shot of the Whoopi Goldberg movie 'SISTER ACT'.]

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I didn't think any more about this, just went into my room, set up a desk chair for meditating, turned out the light, closed my eyes, and began to mentally recite 'THE LORD'S PRAYER', which was my "gateway" to the meditative state. But an odd thing happened... I couldn't get my mind quiet. After 2 or 3 minutes I wasn't even close to meditating. I kept seeing mental images of that 17th-floor-view of people walking to that Catholic church down below. What the--?!
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So, I tried again: I centered myself, closed my eyes, and began 'The Lord's Prayer' from the beginning. Within 90 seconds I realized that I was mentally seeing the people converging on the church again.
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I tried at least 4 times to get into my meditative state but every single time I was disrupted from it by those same pictures in my head. This was so highly unusual that I couldn't understand it at all. I hadn't had this kind of trouble meditating for several years! And then suddenly it hit me: HOKEY-SMOKE! I'M SUPPOSED TO GO TO THAT CHURCH! No question about it, I KNEW for certain that I was being told by The Holy Spirit to attend that mass!!

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So I quickly got up, left my room, took the elevator down to the ground floor and began walking south to the church. When I got there, plenty of people were still arriving. I went up the 10 or so steps which led to a small patio area where the front doors were located. 

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And as I walked in I noticed something surprising to me: I was the ONLY White person in the church! Every other person was Mexican. I found an empty pew toward the back and moved all the way to the end, against the wall. I was POSITIVE that Jesus was going to answer my prayer here. ...But HOW? Was the priest going to say something that would hit me like a ton of bricks? Were one of the worshipers going to make a comment to me that Jesus would use as an answer for me? Was I going to experience a full-blown miracle inside this building?
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Well, the mass started and the priest spoke exclusively in Spanish. Other than a few words that I remember from my high school Spanish classes, I don't understand the language. Yeah, I would get it if the priest said "Haysooz Christo" or "mas cerveza, por favor", but other than that, I was in the dark. I could forget about getting a message via priest. And no one sitting around me seemed to notice my presence. Plus, they probably knew English to the same degree that I knew Spanish. I wasn't going to get any message from THEM either.
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I started examining the stained glass windows, thinking that maybe one of the verses or sayings in the design would seem like an answer. Nope. Nothing seemed relevant at all. I kept looking to the ceiling, wondering if perhaps I'd see a vision or something. Nuttin'.
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So, I sat through the entire one-hour mass, all in Spanish, examining everything in detail, and completely bewildered about why I was there. I was as sure as I could be that I had been SENT here by Christ / The Holy Spirit, and yet those mental images of the people walking to this church didn't seem to add up to anything at all. I was stunned, disappointed, and confused.
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The mass ended. It was now about 8:00 PM and the sun was getting close to reaching the horizon. The people got up and started heading toward the doors through which we'd entered, so I did the same. The whole group of us shuffled out onto the patio area just outside the doors. 

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There was a thin Mexican boy, about 15-years-old, standing on the patio and handing out official Saint Thomas Aquinas Cathedral fliers to the people as they exited. The kid extended a flier to me and I took it from his hand. I was in a daze and absent-mindedly said "Thanks" to him while I kept walking.

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I went down about three steps toward the sidewalk before I glanced at the flier I was holding. Right there on the front, in big bold lettering, it said...

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"By Faith Abraham Obeyed 

When He Was Called."

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I came to a dead stop on that very step and just stared at the flier in absolute, mind-bent amazement, my mouth hanging open. A moment earlier I was in a daze, now I was stunned. In shock, really!
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I slowly walked down the rest of the steps to the sidewalk. When I got there, I just leaned up against the traffic light pole and started reading the flier's main text. It said:

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August 12, 2001
"When we think of figures in the Hebrew Scriptures who prefigure Christ, we often think of Isaac, nearly sacrificed by his father, Abraham. Many great Christian Scripture commentators have written eloquently on the sacrifice of Isaac prefiguring the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. ... Both Abraham and Jesus were obedient in faith to the call of God. Both went on long, hard journeys and faced many challenges before claiming their final destinies in God's plan. The Genesis accounts of Abraham tell us he was a man filled with both questions and faith."
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It is no exaggeration at all when I say that I walked aimlessly through the streets of Reno for about 8 blocks like I was a hypnotized man. I was really in a state of shock because not only had Jesus VERY SPECIFICALLY answered my prayers on the very last day possible (with only 4 hours left in the A.C.I.M. "Countdown"), but He had done it in a way that was so off-the-charts creative that in some way it truly did blow my mind. Jesus had me sit through an entire, hour-long mass in Spanish, JUST SO THAT I WOULD BE ON THAT PATIO WHEN THE MEXICAN KID WAS HANDING OUT THAT PARTICULAR CHURCH FLIER! Talk about creativity and a Divinely imaginative way to answer an idiot's prayer! To this day I can't even THINK about that event without literally getting a physical chill.

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Of course I already knew Jesus was real: He had baptized me in an amazing way; He had appeared to me in dreams and had helped me to understand some of the deeper Truths in The Bible. He had answered plenty of prayers and brought me peace of mind. But this -- THIS! -- was beyond anything I could have imagined. Who could doubt the existence and the power of a Divine Man like Christ Yeshua after an interaction like I'd had?

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When I got back to Phoenix, I threw my copy of 'A Course In Miracles' into a trash dumpster at the apartment complex where I lived.

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Thinking about this whole experience a little later, I got to wondering why Jesus had done ANYTHING in regards to my question and prayers. I was already going to quit A.C.I.M. unless Jesus directed me otherwise. So that entire month, I had been looking for a sign from Him indicating that I SHOULD CONTINUE. It had never even occurred to me to look for a sign that I should quit because I was already planning to do that. If Jesus wanted me to cease and desist with A.C.I.M. (because, for one reason, the "voice" that dictated the entire thing to Helen Schucman was a demon attempting to pass itself off as Jesus) He didn't need to do a thing on August 12th, and I would have abandoned it all automatically on August 13th.

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But very quickly I figured out why Yeshua did what He did. The fact is, He knows me even better'n I know myself. And I know myself well enough to realize that had Jesus done nothing at all, I'd have quit A.C.I.M. on the 13th, but then I would have spent the rest of my entire life wondering if I was really supposed to quit. I would have second-guessed myself forever, always wondering, "Had there been a sign from Jesus to continue but I missed it? Maybe He gave me an answer in the affirmative but I did not correctly interpret that sign. Did I overlook the answer from Jesus because I was too dense to recognize it?"
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I would have tormented myself with questions like this for the rest of my natural life, always wondering if I'd missed out on an opportunity to spend a lifetime studying teachings that Jesus gave to us in an extra-Biblical source. (Note: I no longer believe there are any valid teachings outside of The Bible. Everything we need to know is in there, and the deeper teachings of The Bible are revealed to each individual seeker by The Holy Spirit as the seeker's mind expands enough to comprehend the next level.)
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But at any rate, Jesus took a proactive approach with me, letting me know via a very specific and clever answer to my prayers on that significant day that I should NOT continue with A.C.I.M. He didn't just leave me to "assume" I shouldn't, and wonder if I'd screwed up. He wanted me to know in no uncertain terms that A.C.I.M. was NOT from HIM; it was a deception that I should file in the trash. He increased my faith and allowed me to go on with peace of mind, knowing that I'd heard from Him personally and done the thing that He wished: to "sacrifice" that thing I loved because it contained "16 hidden drops of deadly demonic poison".

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Fifteen years after my little miracle in front of the doors of Saint Thomas Aquinas Cathedral had occurred, I learned something NEW about it.

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I have long maintained that Jesus has a great sense of humor. (And why wouldn't He, since through Him, God created humor?) And I also know from experience, and from The Bible, that Jesus has a fondness for harmless practical jokes.

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Well, I discovered that Jesus had played a practical joke on me while answering my prayer all those years ago. Naturally, I still have that church flier that the Mexican kid gave me in front of the church in 2001. On July 24, 2016, I reexamined that flier and for the first time I read some of the small print down at the bottom. It includes a schedule for all the masses at the cathedral. August 12, 2001, was a Sunday. Here's what the flier says about the masses on Sundays:
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SUNDAY: 7:30, 9:30, 11:30 AM, 5:15 & 7:00 PM (Spanish)

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I have always puzzled over why the flier was printed in English although the services were delivered to Mexicans in Spanish! I have always assumed it was a Mexican church and that ALL of the masses were in Spanish. But I discovered that on Sunday, August 12th, only ONE of the five masses were delivered in Spanish. All the rest were in English!

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Quite obviously, Jesus, with HIS POWER & CREATIVITY, could have found a thousand ways to get me to go to that church for ANY ONE OF THE FIVE MASSES! But He waited until the day was almost over and then He interrupted my attempt to meditate so I would go to the last mass of the day -- the 7:00 PM mass, and THE ONLY ONE in a foreign language. He had me sit there wondering, perplexed, bewildered through an hour of Spanish bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. And at the very end, when I was doubting everything and thinking I'd somehow fooled myself into believing I was supposed to go to that church, He has the answer literally placed right into my hand!

That SAME flier was being given out there at the end of all 5 masses during the day. I could have received that same message at any one of the scheduled masses, but Jesus rigged it so I'd go to that last one. He answered my prayers and got in a good practical joke on me AT THE SAME TIME!

Guffaw-Out-Loud! 

Oh, my Savior is a funny Guy! 

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May you bless & be blessed!!

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~ Stephen T. McCarthy