EDJUCATION-R-US: "We B Edjucatin' U." [Issue #1: Polatics & Soshial Studies]

[*From the STMcC Archive: 2008, April 21st.]

So, you think you know American polatics and have some knowledge about Soshial Stuffs, do ya? Test yer beliefs against reality in this highly Politically Incorrect questionnaire. If you are a Liberal (and really, how many Americans aren’t these days?) you will almost certainly be offended by the facts revealed in this Blog Bit. Heck, they might even pop yer body-piercings ‘n’ curl yer tattoos; and if yer one of them girlie-men, they will likely stand yer ponytail on end. Think you can handle stuffs that hasn’t been toned down for 21st Century sensibilities? Read on at yer own risk, dudes and dudettes . . .

This is a test -- if it was an actual emergency, the U.S.A. would be up Crap Creek without a paddle. Fetch paper and pencil and respond to these questions to the best of yer knowledge. The answers can be found posted at the bottom of the test. Good luck, Y’all (yer a-gonna need it).

#1: An American citizen’s rights come from…
A) God.
B) the Declaration of Independence.
C) the Constitution.
D) the Bill of Rights.
E) the New York Times.
F) John Wayne.

#2: 1787 is…
A) Oprah Winfrey’s weight this week.
B) the year John Wayne was born.
C) the number of American women whom Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with.
D) the year the U.S. Constitution was written.

#3: Daniel Webster said the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of…
A) good intentions.
B) tyranny.
C) bureaucrats.
D) dictators.
E) John Wayne.

#4: Bill Clinton was a bad president.
A) True.
B) False.
C) It depends on what the meaning of the word “bad” is.

#5: Bill Clinton…
A) inhaled.
B) had “sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
C) looked on a lot of women with lust, just like Jimmy Carter did.
D) took campaign money from the Communist Chinese in exchange for military technology.
E) All of the above.

#6: The 2nd Amendment secures your right to…
A) sleep with any woman not claimed by 2AM when the bars close.
B) an abortion.
C) write silly Blog tests.
D) wear short sleeved shirts.
E) None of the above.

#7: The phrase “Separation of church and state” is found in…
A) the Declaration of Independence.
B) the Constitution.
C) the Bill of Rights.
D) every atheist’s imagination.

#8: Sex, drugs and…
A) Jazz.
B) Country music.
C) Classical music.
D) the Clinton presidency.

#9: Sex, lies and…
A) 8-track tapes.
B) compact discs.
C) DVDs.
D) the Clinton presidency.

#10: Bimbos + cocaine + the Communist Chinese =
A) the Clinton presidency.
B) the Clinton presidency.
C) the Clinton presidency.
D) All of the above.

#11: Toni Morrison called Bill Clinton America’s “first ___ president.”
A) honest.
B) sexy.
C) Black.
D) non-inhaling.

#12: The first woman on the Moon was…
A) Sally Ride.
B) Alice Kramden.
C) Daphne Moon.
D) None, although a lot of women are pretty spaced out.

#13: Who recorded a musical version of The Declaration Of Independence?
A) Jimi Hendrix.
B) The 5th Dimension.
C) Yoey O’Dogherty And His Corn Liquor Boys.
D) The Beach Boys.
E) William Shatner.
F) John Wayne.

#14: Who said “The Constitution is just a G#ddamned piece of paper” ?
A) Karl Marx.
B) George W. Bush.
C) Bill Clinton.
D) Jane Fonda.
E) John Wayne.

#15: Your local police force is there to…
A) protect and serve.
B) get its kicks while generating municipal funds.
C) respond to the Bat Signal.
D) help little old ladies cross the street.

#16: The average man is…
A) a great communicator.
B) quick to ask for directions.
C) quick to run to the doctor.
D) a bear with furniture.

#17: He said it would be very bad if we should label one man a Communist when he is not a Communist.
A) Joseph McCarthy.
B) Alger Hiss.
C) Edward R. Murrow.
D) Julius Rosenberg.
E) John Wayne.

#18: The average American is…
A) brainwashed.
B) dumbed down.
C) in debt.
D) losing their Constitutional rights.
E) addicted to mindless entertainment.
F) ##k’d up.
G) Tattooed.

#19: The next president of the U.S. will be…
A) John McCain.
B) Barack Obama.
C) Hillary Clinton.
D) a world-class scoundrel.

#20: Rodney King said, “Can we all…
A) get a group hug?
B) get a group photo?
C) conduct this beating in an orderly fashion?
D) get along?

#21: Warned that Soviet operatives with phony F.B.I. credentials were on their way to kill him, he subdued the would-be assassins and held them at gunpoint.
A) Joseph McCarthy.
B) John Kennedy.
C) Ronald Reagan.
D) John T. Flynn.
E) John Wayne.

Now Discover Yer Real Knowledge Of Political and Social Stuffs By Comparing Yer Responses With The ANSWERS BELOW.

Here are the answers to my "EDJUCATION-R-US: Issue #1: Polatics & Soshial Studies" Blog test of APRIL 21, 2008:

#1: A. (The Declaration Of Independence states: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.")
#2: D.
#3: A.
#4: We will accept both "A" and "C."
#5: E. (For information on "D", see the book "YEAR OF THE RAT: How Bill Clinton Compromised U.S. Security For Chinese Cash" by Timperlake & Triplett)

#6: D. (The Second Amendment secures your right to bare arms.)
#7: D.
#8: D.
#9: D.
#10: D. (If you missed Question #10, you have failed this test regardless of how many other questions you answered correctly! For more information on the “Cocaine” aspect of this question, see the documentaries “THE MENA COVER-UP” and “THE NEW CLINTON CHRONICLES.”)

#11: C. (If Bill Clinton was the first Black president, does this mean that if Hillary is elected president in 2008, she will be the country's first female president but only its SECOND Black president? Or was Bill also the first president to have an interracial marriage?)
#12: D.
#13: B.
#14: B. (Go to capitolhillblue.com: http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_7779.shtml)
#15: B. (If you thought the answer was “A”, your understanding has been handcuffed.)

#16: D. (Credit where it's due: if memory serves me, I think it was Elayne Boosler who said that men are "bears with furniture.")
#17: A.
#18: We will accept any answer you chose.
#19: D.
#20: D.
#21: E. (A true story according to Michael Munn, the author of "JOHN WAYNE: The Man Behind The Myth.")

SCORES:

*100% Correct = "The George Mason Award" (Patriotism just doesn't get any more American than the guy who refused to sign the Constitution because there was no Bill Of Rights!)

*20-16 Correct = "The Patrick Henry Award" (He said "Give me liberty or give me death!" That's the stuff that great nations spring from.)

*15-13 Correct = "The John Wayne / Ronald Reagan Award" (choose yer American cowboy).

*12-10 Correct = "The Calvin Coolidge Award" ("Well, what DID Calvin Coolidge say?" ~Mayberry barber, Floyd Lawson)

*9-6 Correct = "The Benedict Arnold/Bill Clinton/George W. Bush Award" (But it depends on what the meaning of the word "award" is.)

*5-0 Correct = "The Woodrow Wilson Award" (The president who single-handedly wrecked his own country once and for evermore.)

[*Note: When I was in junior high school, my Spanish teacher allowed me to create an oil painting of a bullfight for "extra credit." Although the oil painting didn't add a single word of Spanish to my vocabulary, it DID save me from failing the class. If, therefore, you have failed this test but want to create an oil painting of the signing of the Declaration Of Independence and send it to us for "extra credit," we will take this into consideration.]

~ Stephen T. McCarthy