AIRHEADZONANS OF THE WEEK

Printed in the local Valley & State section of the Thursday, November 6, 2008 edition of The Arizona Republic newspaper (a.k.a. “The Daily Disappointment”) was this letter to the editor:

Bail out the losses in IRAs, 401(k)s

Let’s have the ultimate bailout this year.
Give all of the people who lost money in their IRA and 401(k) accounts a check to cover the losses. Make it tax-free.

The letter was signed by a man in Phoenix (I’ll call him “Brainless In Phoenix”).

Now anyone with the I.Q. of even a wiener dog can see what’s wrong with this idea. Where does Brainless In Phoenix propose “they” get the money to cover the cost of this check? Does he think “they” should borrow it? In which case it will eventually need to be paid back… with interest. And when payback time comes, where are we supposed to find the money to cover it then?

Or perhaps Brainless In Phoenix thinks “they” should just have The Federal Reserve print the money. Well, if so, we’d still be borrowing it from them, and you DO know what happens to the value of each dollar in your purse or wallet every time The Fed runs its printing presses, don’t you? It’s called “inflation” and it’s a tax on YOU!

In the long-run, ultimately, the cost of the check “they” write will be extracted from the taxpayers – including the very same taxpayers who will be receiving money to cover their IRA and 401(k) losses. That’s like a pickpocket stealing money from you with his right hand while returning the money he stole from you yesterday with his left hand.

The proposal is so stupid that my brother, Napoleon, thinks Brainless In Phoenix was being facetious. Hmmm… maybe, but I have some doubts. I mean, I don’t call this state Airheadzona for nuttin’.

Case in point…

My buddy at work, The Great L.C., said he was watching one of the local stations on election night (possibly channel 3, but he wasn’t certain) when he saw some female political commentator for the station say how proud she was to be living in the first country to elect an African-American to lead it.

She’s right in one respect: We are indeed the first country to elect an African-American to lead it, but as The Great L.C. remarked, “Did she think that Canada might beat us to it? We were also the first country to elect an Irish-AMERICAN.”

Now granted, Airheadzona is well below the national state average in “The Smarts Department”, but even so, ask yourself: “With so many people like these out there voting, is it any wonder the country is in the shape it is?”

Please vote for me for president in 2012 and make me the first “Wisenheimer-American” elected to lead a country! I promise to put Coca-Cola in all of America's drinking fountains!

~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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