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| THE AIRHEADZONAN ARCHETYPE |
People
sometimes ask me why I want to move to Reno, Nevada, as soon as possible. There are
several answers I could give, but the simplest answer is almost as good as any
of the others...
Because Reno, Nevada, is NOT Phoenix, Arizona.
You’ve
heard me complain before... about the low wages, the lack of education and
sophistication, the slow thinking and slow moving and slow driving people of
Airheadzona.
Well, I
knew I was overdue in getting something fresh posted here at ‘Ferret-Faced
Fascist Friends’, so I decided to run with this thang because I can knock it
out very quickly before I have to leave for work again.
I am
pulling these 8 PM to 6 AM “graveyard shifts” for my
employer, and during the night / early morning hours we have very limited
computer access; most websites are blocked, but a small handful of them we are
permitted to view.
Last
week, when I moaned that we didn’t have access to much in the way of news
sites, a veteran co-worker told me of a site where I could find some local
news. In exploring that website, I discovered that they post, month by month, some
of the more unique police mug shots – all of them from the greater Phoenix metropolitan area.
So, for
2.5 “graveyard shifts” I kept myself occupied by looking through a year’s worth
of strange Phoenix police mug shots. (Each photo has an arrow
to the left and right of the person’s image, allowing you to click forward or
backward. And all of the mug shots are categorized by month.)
I hadn’t
seen too many of these mug shots before I knew this was going to be a future
blog bit at ‘F-FFF’. Maybe all y’all could show mug shots of similar characters
from your neck of the woods, I don’t know. But somehow I get the feeling that
most states couldn’t match Airheadzona in sheer numbers and bizarreness. I
mean, here we are yakkin’ not about “dumb and dumber”, but about “dumber and
dumbest”. Phoenix is a very, very “special”
place, if you catch my drift.
Below are
a few “special” police mug shots from just the month of October but, really, none of the
other pictures are to be missed:
2013 – OCTOBER:
.
As the
website states: “Isn't this a merry group? [They]
have all been indicted on bestiality charges. They're accused of engaging in
sex with a dog.”
.
.
Frankly,
I think perhaps the man on the left and the woman on the right should have been
charged with having sex with TWO dogs!!
.
Just the
other night, Brother Nappy and I watched ‘HIS GIRL FRIDAY’,
a 1940 black and white movie starring Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell, and Ralph
Bellamy. It was really funny and the creative storyline was extremely clever. (Probably,
today, only the writers of the TV series ‘Frasier’ would be capable of writing
something as intelligently crafted as ‘His Girl Friday’ was.)
So, I
don’t go in much for the really modern movies of today. Therefore, I never did
see the 1993 movie ‘DAZED AND CONFUSED’, but perhaps you
did. Apparently some dude named Jason London was in the movie and played a
character named “Pink” Floyd. Well, “Pink” Floyd shows up in the FOX 10's Mug
Shot Gallery for December 2012 & January 2013.
Here’s
what the website commentary noted:
“Jason London was one of the stars of the movie ‘Dazed and
Confused’, and according to police, it's also the best way to describe his
night in Scottsdale. Now he's accused
of defecating in a squad car.”
.
.
Mr.
London, “Dear boy, you look absolutely awful.” The next time you want to appear
foolish, “why don't you try ‘acting’? It's so much easier.”
A YEAR’S WORTH
OF STRANGE PHOENIX MUG SHOTS:
~ Stephen T. McCarthy
YE OLDE
COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem
attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read:
"posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com,
so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
.
"Frankly, I think perhaps the man on the left and the woman on the right should have been charged with having sex with TWO dogs!! " And the look on the woman in the middle's face says that the photographer probably told the same joke...
ReplyDeleteBROTHER MARTIN ~
DeleteI went back and took a second look and I think you’re absolutely right!
After careful consideration – and despite an awful lot of competition – I think perhaps the month of JULY [2013] takes the cake.
And it actually makes some sense since July is our hottest month and most people here are crazy (and mentally retarded) from the heat! So it’s logical that the greatest cast of screwballs, dimwits, human flotsam and jetsam would get their police mug shots taken in the month of... JULY [2013].
But there are certainly some serious contenders in each of the months. However, July may have the best variety, the best ensemble cast.
~ D-FensDogg
‘Loyal American Underground’
These sorts of pictures (and accompanying stories) don't give you much faith in the continued existence of the human race.
ReplyDeleteI hope that when you make the move to Reno things improve. It would be a terrible disappointment to find that people are just stupid all over.
ROBIN ~
DeleteThanks for the good wish.
I know that there's stupidity everywhere (Airheadzona hasn't cornered the market on that) and there are insane people all across the country, and especially in the bigger cities (I'm sure some N.Y., L.A., and Chicago mug shots have some very similar looking "characters"). But I kinda question that other places in the U.S. have as many, and so "bizarro" a bunch.
I think this being a desert wasteland city with no real personality to call its own (basically one gigantic strip mall) and outrageous heat for so many months out of the year, has caused something to go very much askew in the thinking of much of the populace.
I was telling DiscConnected recently that I would very much be genuinely interested in seeing some scientific study done to determine what, if any, effects prolonged periods of three-digit heat have on the human brain. I have a suspicion that we might find some answers in a study like that.
For many years I used to joke that the people of Phoenix are crazy and stupid from the heat. Then a couple years ago it suddenly dawned on me that it might be no laughing matter; that there really MIGHT be some truth in that which a truly scientific study might be able to "ferret" out (if I may use that term).
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
I remember hearing about that Jason London story. He said he was falsely accused. I'm no fan of the police, but what, someone else pooped in the squad car? A police officer dropped trou and thought it would be hilarious to frame this washed up actor?
ReplyDeleteSounds like another conspiracy for the great Stephen T. McCarthy. Start digging up some dirt! (Just be careful what you dig up in said dirt...)
I'm actually back from Miami, much, much earlier than I was supposed to be because it was truly that terrible. I don't know whether it's worse than Airheadzona, but it's a definite contender for "get me the f*** out of here ASAP."
Let me just say this: "Would you like a beer? We have Bud and Budlight only, and they're $18 for a bottle" is only scratching the surface of why this place was so miserable.
Oh, and on a lighter note, one of our old mutual friends became a heroin addict and got arrested for trying to pawn his friend's iPod for more heroin money. He was arrested and his mugshot is awaiting posting on this one website. I really, really want to see it. I know it's going to just be hilariously awful. He's 29 going on 45 according to recent Facebook pictures.
Oh lord, I am 30 now, aren't I? I actually look forward to this stuff.
~4B
4-B Old, Old, OLD SOUL ~
Delete>>... I remember hearing about that Jason London story. He said he was falsely accused.
Well, you know, NO ONE in jail is guilty... to hear THEM tell it. Somehow I don't think a person could wind up looking like Jason London does in that mug shot without being at least partially responsible for it.
I'm wondering if anyone caught my use of the famous Laurence Olivier to Dustin Hoffman quote. (I fear some of my best material goes unrecognized.)
Sorry to hear the Miami party was a pooper! I've been in Florida but never Miami. Pictures make it look neat - all those pastel painted buildings along the shoreline - and I'd always thought maybe someday I would visit the place. Thanks for saving me the trouble, Beer Brother!
I've been reading 'The Graveyard Shift' on my "graveyard shifts". I gotta say, when you write a loser character, you REALLY make him a LOSER: Leonard drinks Hamm's beer?
Ya know, whatever sympathy I might have had for him regarding whatever fate awaits him, I lost it when I got to the "Hamm's beer".
"From the land of sky blue waters"?
Make mine "Big Sky" then.
4-B, you kinda dropped the ball on a conversation we were having on my previous blog bit where beer got mentioned.
I left an extensive, multi-part comment, and awaited confirmation on a certain thing, but I never heard from ya again.
[A few times I have been tempted to drink those beers myself, and I probably won't be able to hold out much longer.]
No problem that you forgot we were still having a conversation there. Now that you're 30, you'll find your memory failing you more and more.
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
Consider the ball dropped twice. I completely missed the Laurence Olivier quote. And as for the other conversation, I guess you'll have to check on the other blog bit. This old man finally remembered and posted over there.
DeleteWait, what we were talking about? I'm cold and afraid. And I've fallen and I can't get up...
~4B
Someone get me an Old Style - I'm all out of Hamm's!
We'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that the two dropped balls resulted only in two field goals for your opponent. Yeah, you're down six to nuttin', but just one touchdown and the extra point and you'll take the lead.
DeleteOld Style. Ha!
Well, you still haven't hit rock bottom until you're drinking Schaefer, or even worse... Big Flats. (Although I've heard that Red, White And Blue is truly the worst, although I have yet to sink THAT low.)
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
Never had either of those, but are they worse than a King Cobra? Or a Bud Light Chelada?
DeleteSome brilliant executive at Bud Light: "Hmm, our beers need more flavor... I know! Let's add tomato juice! Lots of tomato juice!"
>>... Hmm, our beers need more flavor... I know! Let's add tomato juice! Lots of tomato juice!"
DeleteHa!-Ha!
Never once did he think: "Hmmm... I know! Let's put in some hops and malt."
Never had King Cobra nor Bud Light Chelada, but...
you really haven't died
until you've tried...
'DOG BITE: High Gravity Lager'
Man, that stuff really DOES "bite" (in two different ways)!
Someone recently yakked me into trying a can of Oskar Blues Brewery's 'GUBNA' Imperial IPA. Awwwkkkk! Never again.
Yesterday I went to one of my other mom 'n' pop liquor stores and right next to the DayTime Ale was... Lagunitas 'BROWN SHUGGA' ["How come you taste so good?"]
If you recall, 'SUCKS' was originally invented to replace (for one Winter) 'BROWN SHUGGA'.
So that got me thinking maybe 'SUCKS' is out now too. I called two of my big, Big, BIG liquor stores and at one of them, the salesman told me that 'SUCKS' is not out because Lagunitas has lost the recipe (or never actually recorded it) and that they are only now trying to figure out how and if they can duplicate it again.
I find that VERY hard to believe but, if true, we might never have 'SUCKS' again and that... (you guessed it...) sucks!
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
More Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics...
ReplyDeleteCrime per 100,000 residents***Phoenix (left), Reno (right)
Murders 8, 6
Rapes 38, 12
Robberies 227, 169
Assaults 279, 301 (saloon brawls?)
Burglaries 1273, 712
Thefts 2610, 1898
Auto Thefts 515, 273
Arson 19, 11
Temps May-Sept Avg. 102 F (Phoenix)
Temps May-Sept Avg. 84 F (Reno)
***2011data
No stats on freaks per capita, or number of residents per 100,000 who appreciate 'Frasier'.
A Tale of 2Sigs
Leave it to the ever clever 'A Tale Of Two Sigs' to crunch some numbers for us.
DeleteThe "Assaults" comparison is surprising, but I suspect your suspicion is correct. Downtown Reno, the entire vicinity around Virginia Street, is pretty seedy and I expect that the vast majority of those assaults took place in a tightly knit concentration of blocks there.
Of course the answer is easy: If you want to avoid assaults, don't go downtown. Me, however, I WILL go downtown from time to time. As James Garner's character discovered in 'Victor Victoria', occasionally a fellow needs a good brawl to remind him that he's still a man.
The one category in which Phoenix SHOULD have a smaller percentage than Reno is Robberies. Since everyone here is allowed to carry a handgun, concealed OR openly, without a permit and without taking any authorized firearm classes, that SHOULD make robberies an extremely rare occurrence.
The reason it doesn't is because very few Phoenix residents avail themselves of that right and the criminal element is aware of that, and thus robbers are still willing to "take a chance".
Some of the statistics I would be equally interested in seeing we have no way of obtaining. Such as:
Number of times in 1,000 driving hours that you will have to honk at the person in front of you, alerting them to the fact that the light has been green, or the left-turn arrow has been lit, for half a minute.
Number of times in 1,000 driving hours you will have to pass a person driving 10 to 15 miles per hour SLOWER than the posted speed limit and find that it was a 23 year old male driving like a 93 year old female.
Number of times in 1,000 driving hours that the woman in the Number 2 lane will suddenly make a left turn right in front of you, while you are driving the speed limit in the Number 1 lane.
Number of times in a five year period that some Airheadzonan will drive across your front lawn.
Number of times drivers on the freeway will slow down to stare at a standard police stop, or a puddle of water that has collected off to the side of the highway.
I could go on and on and on and on...
And, of course, here's a biggie: Average I.Q.
Since most Airheadzonans couldn't beat a dead dog lying by the side of the road in an I.Q. contest, methinks Reno would win that contest too!
~ Stephen
'A Man Of Too Many Woes'
Those examples of Airheadzona driving add to the evidence that your "crazy from the heat" theory is probably true. Strange "goins ons" happen around here on the unusually hot days. Sort of reminds me of how the medical folks always say that the full moon packs 'em in the ER.
Delete"You better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out Jim"
I plotted average state temps alongside total number of violent crimes and there is somewhat of a correlation there except for District of Columbia (huge crime spike, but still not a state. Maybe someone could cut along the borders and push it out to sea), Hawaii (warmest average temp but lower crime), and Alaska (coolest average temp but rather large spike in crime.
"This mornin, I shot six holes in my freezer
I think I got cabin fever
Somebody sound the alarm"
Somewhat relates WSJ article...
Does Crime Rise In Tandem With the Mercury?
Interesting about the handgun laws (or lack of) in Az. I'd like to see a few studies comparing AZ with states with more strict laws, or at least have access to raw data that I could manipulate on my own. Another day.
SigTwiceDaily
TwoSigsToo ~
DeleteAutomatic grade of "A" anytime someone quotes Warren in a comment!
Not just "crazy from the heat" but "stupid from the heat also". I think too many days in 3-digit temperatures begins to kill off brain cells.
And therein lies the reason I think we can discard Hawaii from our study. They have the overall warmest yearly temperatures, yes, because they have no Winters. Their hottest months are July and August, which average 88. According to The Weather Channel, "The highest recorded temperature was 95°F in 1987." So they have never had even a single day of 100 or more. (Wow! Can that really be right?)
Hawaii's yearly average temp is a balmy (approximately) 85 degrees or thereabouts.
My THEORY is that it's only when the temp reaches 3-digits (or maybe anything above the normal average body temperature) that the brain cells start getting cooked toward "craziness" and "stupidity". Spend TOO MANY Summers in Phoenix and you're baking your brain stoopid!
I KNOW that I'm not nearly as mentally sharp as I was 16 years ago when I moved here. But to be honest, I'm also 16 years older, so some of the encroaching stupidity may just be age-related.
The 'More Guns, Less Crime' study has already been done (see John Lott and Roger D. McGrath, et al.) But I'm not sure how much of that can be illustrated using Phoenix since it's pretty rare to see someone with a sidearm viewable.
>>... District of Columbia... Maybe someone could cut along the borders and push it out to sea
Man, I am ALL for THAT! I'd even donate some money to the project.
Linky no goodie.
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
>Automatic grade of "A" anytime someone quotes Warren in a comment!
Delete...and a grade of F for quoting Jimmy Buffett? Warren is fresh in my memory since I'm reading his biography by Crystal Warren.
>So they have never had even a single day of 100 or more. (Wow! Can that really be right?)
Warren would have attested to that. I always tell anyone who has never been there to stay south or west rather than north or east on any of the islands especially in late fall and early spring unless you like rain...and stay away from the Russian waitresses.
>>My THEORY is that it's only when the temp reaches 3-digits (or maybe anything above the normal average body temperature) that the brain cells start getting cooked toward "craziness" and "stupidity".
Makes sense. It must be like walking around with a fever.
>Of course the answer is easy: If you want to avoid assaults, don't go downtown. Me, however, I WILL go downtown from time to time. As James Garner's character discovered in 'Victor Victoria', occasionally a fellow needs a good brawl to remind him that he's still a man.
Yeah, both you and James Garner could get away with that. I still pee standing up which is good enough for me.
Sig#2...and #1 standing up
SIG 2 In Good Standing ~
DeleteI didn't know it was from Jimmy Buffett and I got too lazy there to Google it for the origins. (Plus, I already had the song 'Tell Me Something Good' playing in my head and didn't want to replace it with something else.)
I've never been a Jimmy Buffett fan, but "How she got there I haven't a clue" is always very quotable.
Ahh, the Zevon book by Crystal. I borrowed DiscConnected's copy a couple years ago. Even posted a "sorta" review of it on my old 'Stuffs' blog not long before I closed that one down. Zevon... he was sumthin' else!
Yeah, stay away from Russian Waitresses... unless you can wire your Pa for Lawyers, Guns, And Money. ("Pa, I'm stuck in a Russian Waitress. Get me out of THIS!")
>>... It must be like walking around with a fever.
BINGO! And for months on end, day and night. That simply CAN'T be good for the grey matter.
Well, the peeing standing up used to be good enough, but women have become so "defeminized" and so "masculinized" now, what with their pickup trucks, body tattoos and boxing practice, that I understand many females now urinate standing up as well.
I think the time is coming when you will need to ramp up your masculine activities just to stay in the category. A good bar room brawl still works, even one against a female. (Just make sure you win it.)
~ D-FensDogg
A Lover Of Current American Culture
>I think the time is coming when you will need to ramp up your masculine activities just to stay in the category. A good bar room brawl still works, even one against a female. (Just make sure you win it.)
DeleteThanks for the heads up. I'll calculate the risk/reward first, and then determine who I will punch in the face. I hope there isn't an age limit for the punchee.
Even posted a "sorta" review of it on my old 'Stuffs' blog not long before I closed that one down. Zevon... he was sumthin' else!
Kind of a sad story. Warren's actions make me want to punch him in the face, especially when Crystal writes about how abusive he could be. He was a tortured soul.
Stuffs is a real deep well. I still sneak under the fence past the doberman and explore there sometimes.
Sig "No Mas" II
SIG "Más Cerveza, Por Favor" ~
Delete>>... I'll calculate the risk/reward first, and then determine who I will punch in the face. I hope there isn't an age limit for the punchee.
Spoken like the truly intelligent man you be.
As for age limits... Well, watch almost ANY movie made today and you will realize that females of ALL ages are total badasses, so I don't think the age is all that important.
But... if you want to play it safe, I would suggest you conform to the 'Katniss Everdeen Model'.
Katniss Everdeen (played by Jennifer Lawrence) is the 16 year old female heroine of the movie adaptation of the book 'The Hunger Games'. She is a total badass chick (you know, I mean, if you accept that Hollywood in any way at all resembles reality).
So, it seems that much of America (in its First-World Wisdom) has accepted that 16-year-old chicks can be expected to be badasses and able to defend themselves against all comers.
Therefore, I believe you can punch ANY 16-year-old female in the face without America believing you have "assaulted a little girl". But punch a female younger than 16 and you may have committed a "politically incorrect" act almost as bad as being a "smoker".
So, I would advise... stick to assaulting 16-year-old and older females and your acts of violence should be socially acceptable. Hitting a 15-year-old girl in the face may be frowned upon.
>>... Warren's actions make me want to punch him in the face
I hear ya, Brother. I am NOT a Warren Zevon fan, but merely a fan of some of Warren's music. (I could have punched him in the face too, SigToo.)
>>... Stuffs is a real deep well. I still sneak under the fence past the doberman and explore there sometimes.
Ha! Thanks! I consider that an A-list compliment. And, by the way... don't let the doberman deter ya. That dog has NO TEETH, so his bark is 100% worse than his bite. I just keep him there to scare off the Airheadzona rubber-neckers.
~ Stephen
Jeez, a person has gotta be a special kind of inebriated to defecate in a police car. Reminds me of that mayor in Toronto, is it? The one who got caught smoking crack and making a pretty awful rant? His excuse was he was totally trashed at the time. Oh, okay... I suppose that's supposed to make it okay, then.
ReplyDeleteThose mug shots are like the worst of the characters who show up on those "People in Walmart" sites.
SUSAN ~
DeleteA few times in my youth, I was about as inebriated as a person can get, and yet I NEVER soiled myself, let alone soiled a police car.
I've only ever seen a "People Of Walmart" video once, but I gotta think those mug shots are worse. Some of them look like actors after the best makeup people in Hollywood got through transforming them into creatures from Krypton or some unpronounceable planet from a Star Trek episode.
This does not bode well for the future of America.
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
I know Phoenix has not cornered the market on bizarre mug shots. By their very nature mug shots show people at their worst. I think of some of the celebrity mug shots I've seen from L.A. and elsewhere. I think the police photographers are trained to catch people at their weirdest or stupidest. The ones that don't make the grade there are demoted to taking pics at the DMV.
ReplyDeleteI'm not fond of the hot times in Phoenix, but I have come to the conclusion that things are bad all over in their own ways. There is no escaping stupidity and weirdness.
Lee
A Faraway View
Oh, I'm sure they're bad everywhere, but you would need to PROVE to me that there is as great a concentration of freaks in other mug shot collections. I doubt you could do it.
DeleteA photographer trained to capture people at their worst still does not account for the bizarre hairstyles, the face tattoos (the horns tattooed on the foreheads), and just the general stooooopidity that seems to be a natural part of the physiognomy.
No, sir, it's too easy to say "it's exactly like this everywhere". I have offered photographic evidence and words alone can not nullify that.
The continual extreme heat here is, I feel strongly, a contributing factor to the bizarreness and daily "roadtardation" that one encounters on nearly every street, avenue, and boulevard.
As I said before, there is something very, Very, VERY "special" about Phoenix, Airheadzona. I've lived in other places and traveled extensively throughout the U.S., but I have never encountered ANYTHING quite like THIS place!
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
YIKES! I had no idea Airheadzona was the face painting Capitol. One would think that criminal types could be just a tiny but smarter than to mark themselves in such an obvious way. That said; I'm gonna concur that Phoenix must be the weird center of some alternate universe. HA!
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's weird like Venice Beach - sort of - but in all the wrong, dangerous, stoopid, and brain-numbingly drab ways.
DeleteHorrible, horrible place!
Phoenix is where the dead go to die.
Hey, I just now finished composing 'BOTB #8' (I like it!), and if you're still awake 30 minutes from now, you can be the FIRST to vote on it.
Yak Later...
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'