THE TWELVE TIME-TESTED TRUTHS

[From the STMcC archive; 2006. April 20th]

Book: “CROSSING THE RUBICON: The Decline Of The American Empire At The End Of The Age Of Oil” by Michael Ruppert; 2004.

Grade: B+


1) The moon is made of cheese.

2) Cats and dogs never fight as they are natural allies.

3) Depending upon what the meaning of the word "is" is, William Jefferson Clinton "is" the most honest man in America and he never inhaled when he smoked his joints.

4) George W. Bush is a master linguist who could educate William Shakespeare when it comes to proper usage of the English language.

5) The United States government has never deviated from The Constitution and the intent with which the Founders framed it.

6) The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is a hard-core conservative organization bent on stamping out collectivism from the public consciousness.

7) Ann Coulter is a radical Left-wing liberal and a secret card-carrying member of the Communist party.

8) Pedophiles are anathema to the Catholic church which leaves no stone unturned when investigating and excommunicating deviants within its priesthood.

9) The current administration is exceedingly concerned about the negative impact that illegal aliens are having on American society; it is determined to round them up and prevent their unauthorized return.

10) The Federal Reserve Bank is a government entity which was formed solely in order to regulate the American economy, prevent boom/bust cycles, and ensure an equitable financial system that would be beneficial to the U.S. citizenry.

11) The Bill of Rights was conceived and enacted as a safeguard against the personal liberties of the populace usurping power that rightfully belongs to the benevolent and omniscient Federal government. Too much individual freedom tends to interfere with the ability of the elected representatives and government bureaucracies to control and manipulate the nation's citizens for the good of the people.

12) The great tragedy that occurred on September 11, 2001 was entirely unforeseeable, unpreventable, and unimaginable. The disloyal rabble-rousers in America who insist that highly placed government officials had foreknowledge of the terrorist attacks and yet allowed them to be perpetrated for political expediency, should be confined in a communist gulag for their un-American paranoia! All men and women who question the veracity and altruism of U.S. government leaders are not fit to call themselves Americans, nor to fly the Stars and Stripes on the Fourth of July. That flag and that holiday should be celebrated only by citizens who meekly and unquestioningly follow government edicts and the media pundits. Books such as CROSSING THE RUBICON present a serious danger to the status quo and ought to be publicly burned along with the unpatriotic drunkards who read them!

I think there was a thirteenth Truth also; something about the health benefits of imbibing 100 proof whiskey. But I can't find my notes at the moment because the room is spinning and my desk is out of focus.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy