KEITH HERNANDEZ AND THE WATCHDOGS OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

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[From the STMcC archive; 2006, April.]

The Heat Index is a feature frequently found on page two of The Arizona Republic’s sports section. (Yes, THAT “Arizona Republic”: Phoenix’s major daily newspaper often referred to as “The Arizona Repugnant” or – my favorite – “The Daily Disappointment.”)

Very recently, while cleaning out an old Word File, I came across a letter I had written to the editor of The Daily Disappointment’s sports section. Although I have had a few of my letters previously printed in The Los Angeles Times and in our very own Daily Disappointment, in this instance, however, those liberal, politically correct weenies posing as men at the newspaper declined to print what I had submitted. I was about to delete this old composition from my computer file when it suddenly hit me that it might make a good entry in my XTREMELY UN-P.C. AND UNREPENTANT Blog.

The Keith Hernandez in question is indeed the same former all-star first baseman from the New York Mets and the same Keith Hernandez who, in 1992, appeared in an episode of Seinfeld in which he asked Jerry to help him move out of his apartment. So, without further ado, here is my unpublished letter to the editor of The Daily Disappointment’s sports section:

Dear Editor ~

This is in response to the article titled "EARTH TO KEITH: IT’S 2006, FOOL" which appeared in The Heat Index on Wednesday, April 26th, 2006.

During a recent New York Mets/San Diego Padres game, Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez questioned why a female was in the Padres dugout. Hernandez thought this was inappropriate, and though it was later revealed that Kelly Calabrese was employed by the team as a massage therapist, Hernandez publicly said women "don't belong in the dugout."

The Mets organization reprimanded the broadcaster for his comments, which it had a right to do since he is hired to represent the team. But The Heat Index couldn't resist printing that Hernandez is a "fool" and an "idiot" for holding that opinion. This is America after all, and no place for personal opinions - particularly opinions so politically incorrect.

I think The Arizona Republic should see to it that such horrific and injurious displays of rebellious individual thought are squelched from now on. I believe that The Heat Index should be renamed “The Speech Police” and each week they could print all of the ideas and opinions that the American people are allowed to hold and express, and if we all conform to their sage reforms, then The Speech Police should feel no need to resort to name-calling in the future.

Let me point out, however, that likely a large number of people, afraid to suffer the penalty for transgressing political correctness, silently agree with Keith Hernandez. I can state unequivocally that if my Mother - who worked for several years in the 1960s for the Los Angeles Dodgers and the California Angels organizations - was with us still, she would say, "Good for you, Keith!"

Kelly Calabrese, the deeply offended massage therapist, later lamented that Hernandez had not only discredited her as a person, but discredited women. Will someone please inform that woman in the Padres dugout that “there's no crying in baseball!”

~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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