MEANINGFUL CHRISTMAS GIFTS UNDER $100,000.00

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[From the STMcC archive; 2007, Dec. 3rd.]

Considering the devalued state of the American Dollar, it has become increasingly difficult to find Christmas gifts for our loved ones that are truly meaningful and yet reasonably priced. But fear not, my dear friends, for I have created this list to help every Christmas shopper out of their Yuletide dilemma. Below you will find potential Christmas gifts to satisfy just about every person on your list. Best of all, these items will not drive you into the poorhouse because every one of them is a good value, priced well under 100,000 greenbacks. So, forget about purchasing that expensive sports car; these gift ideas will give you plenty of bang for yer buck! Alright now: Ready? Set! GO TO SHOPPING, DUDES AND DUDETTES:

Christmas Unleashed
by The Jingle Dogs
$14.97
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Annoy friends and antagonize enemies with a gift that's not too ruff on your wallet. "Oh! You shouldn't have!" they'll bark (and they'll be right).

HP 12C Platinum Calculator
by Hewlett-Packard
$102.99
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When you need to give a gift that really counts.

Omron Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor with ComFit Cuff
by Omron
$59.32
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When you need to give a gift to "The Count."

MLB Boston Red Sox - Mr. Potato Head
by Hasbro
$13.99
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For the Mr. Potato Head on your list who loves his darned Sox.

SewPro SP-402 QuickStitch Sewing Machine
by Sew Pro
$198.
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Put the romance back in your marriage: give her a gift that says, "Honey, I love you AND my darned sox."

Deluxe Ed Wood Angora Box Set [VHS]
by Ed Wood Junior
$15.50
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Give 'em masterpiece cinema from Old School Hollywood; give 'em the faux angora-covered Ed Wood box set. They'll be "tickled pink."

Claxton Fruitcake Five Pound Regular Recipe
by Claxton Fruitcake
$31.99
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Give the fruitcake fruitcake.

[In truth, Claxton is the only fruitcake I've ever tasted and detested. Without a doubt, the very best fruitcake I've ever found is made by these dudes HERE.]

Monty Python And The Holy Grail (Special Edition) DVD
$6.99
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Get King Arthur for the jester in YOUR court, because everyone should be historically educated! (*Stephen T. McCarthy used to be a newt, but he got better. Oh, never mind - ya gotta know da movie.)

Lily Of France Women's Microfiber Seamless Padded Push-Up Bra
by Lily Of France
$14.99
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Give her something uplifting that will be near and dear to her heart!

Rubbermaid Tough Tools - 16 Ounce Claw Hammer
by Rubbermaid
$15.00
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And you give him something uplifting, too!

Elvis: 30 #1 Hits
by Elvis Presley
$6.50
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Get "The King" for the queen on your list. OR . . .

Sweatin' To The Oldies DVD
by Richard Simmons
$23.45
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. . . get the queen to keep your queen svelte! She'll appreciate that you care as much about her physical appearance as she does. (Give it to her early and she might also give you the hammer early. Don't forget to duck!)

Bushnell Powerview Compact Folding Roof Prism Binocular
by Bushnell
$13.47
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Dick and Harry may not be overly thrilled by this, but you won't hear a disappointed peep out of "Tom."

This Is Spinal Tap (Movie Soundtrack)
by Spinal Tap
$8.99
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Why settle for some "mediocre head-banging bullshit"? Don't your friends deserve the very best head-banging bullshit?

Ab Lounge 2 Abdominal Exerciser
by Ab Lounge
$200.
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In your own subtle way, let your man know that you would love him way more if he would only weigh less.

14K White Gold Genuine Heart Ruby And Diamond Ring
by Jewels For Me
$169.
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A ring for your mistress.

Motorola Motofone F3 Cell Phone With Dual-Band GSM 850/1900
by Motorola
$89.
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And give your wife a new ring, too.

The Ethel Merman Disco Album
by Ethel Merman
$17.98
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What could be more HIP? For the connoisseur of really classy American pop music on your list. Disco: it's not just for people under 85 anymore.

Mack's SafeSound Soft Foam Earplugs
by Mack's
$3.99
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Give her some rest, relaxation, peace and quiet with an Alaskan cruise. Too expensive? Then just give her the quiet.

First Alert Fire Extinguisher
by First Alert
$89.99
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For the cook in your life (or the pestering spouse in your bedroom).

'NASCAR Illustrated' Magazine Subscription
by Street and Smiths
$45.
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For the intellectual on your Christmas list.

55' 1/2" Static Rappelling Rope
$23.
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Give 'em enough rope . . .

Holy Bible: From The Ancient Eastern Text
Translated by George M. Lamsa
$25.88
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Be politically incorrect and give someone the perfect CHRISTmas gift this year: the best translation of God's Bestseller.

I'm hopeful that you found this list helpful.

Your Personal Christmas Shopping Guru . . .
~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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