LET YOUR WALLET DO THE WALKING THRU THE BLUE PAGES!

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[From the STMcC archive; 2007, January 14th]

I’m going to begin this book review with a little story, and if you’ll just hang in there, you’ll eventually see how it relates to THE BLUE PAGES.

Back in 1972, my Pa was the manager of The Machinists, a Little League baseball team whose star shortstop was my little Bro, Napoleon (a nickname). Early one morning – on “Picture Day” no less, when every boy’s uniform should have looked neat and clean – outfielder Graham (always a troublemaker), got sassy with Napoleon, and the boys did what boys sometimes will do. Graham was only about twice Napoleon’s size. But we’ve all heard the old adage, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the will and anger in Napoleon!”

One of the boys told my Pa, “Hey! Mr. McCarthy! Graham and Napoleon are fighting in the outfield!” He saw the knot of boys cheering in the distance and he ran full tilt to break it up. But as he drew nearer, he saw that Graham was getting quite a thrashing, and (as he loved to tell for years afterwards), he “slowed down to a jog and then a stroll.” Only a bad dad would unnecessarily spoil his son’s fun! We’ve all heard the phrase about taking someone “out to the woodshed.” Well, on Picture Day 1972, Napoleon took Graham “out to right field.”

A year or two later, while we were both in junior high school, Graham and I arranged an after-school meeting in a nearby alley, and as is always the case, news got out and there was an eager gathering of kids in that alley awaiting the two combatants. I can no longer recall the circumstances, but I’m sure Graham must have instigated the fracas because I never started a fight I didn’t start.

Graham threw the first punch – a right hook, which I blocked and countered with my own right hook, introducing my right fist to his left ear. Graham threw the right a second time, I blocked it again, and again bopped him in the left ear. I guess my opponent was thinking, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” or maybe, “Third time’s a charm”, because he opted for the right hook yet again, and I countered as before. Graham was a slow learner, and whereas he was merely a half-wit when the fight began, he was undoubtedly a half-deaf half-wit when it ended. Which it did when an old man stuck his head over a fence Wilson-like from ‘Home Improvement’ and mentioned “calling the cops.” Every kid ran in every direction! Ah yes, beating up on Graham - it was just a McCarthy Family Tradition.

This past Christmas day, our Sister gave Napoleon THE BLUE PAGES as a gift; it was the biggest hit of the day. She gave me a coffee mug with the BILL OF RIGHTS printed on the side. When hot coffee is poured into it, your rights begin disappearing (i.e., as you “wake up” you notice how the federal government is stealing your rights! Clever idea.) But I couldn’t keep my hands off of Napoleon’s BLUE PAGES. How did I ever live without this book?

THE BLUE PAGES were compiled by a couple of Lefties and intended to inform the Libs which of those big, bad companies are giving money to the Republicans, and you know, not honoring the civil liberties of their employees by failing to offer insurance coverage to their “alternative lifestyle partners”, etc. And conversely, which “good” companies should be supported because they support the indefensible and sundry Socialist agendas. But the great thing about this book is that it can be used as unintended. In other words, every time Graham threw his right, he dropped his left and lunged, opening himself up for a powwow (or maybe that should be pow-ow!) between my right fist and his left ear. In essence, I was using Graham’s punch against him, just like I’m now using THE BLUE PAGES to monetarily punish the very companies it was meant to assist.

THE BLUE PAGES includes over 4,000 company entries from every consumer sector. It first notes the dollar amount given to the Democrat and/or Republican party by the top three executives for each company during the 2003-04 donation cycle (granted this is now dated and limited information, but it’s a start). Then there’s a small body of text that highlights the significant lawsuits resolved or pending, history of corporate fines, positive and/or negative ecological impact, the social / sexual / gender policies, and the insurance coverage offered by each company.

I’ll say this for THE BLUE PAGES, although the astute and even just semi-astute reader will detect the “Left Lean”, it’s more balanced than one would anticipate from a Libby publication. It doesn’t shy away from spotlighting infractions against the Left-leaning companies like you might expect. This book really does seem fair enough to be used effectively by both, Socialists (Democrats and Republicans), and true conservatives (me, myself, and I).

I’m an “Independent” Constitutionalist, so I detest both the Democrats and the Republicans. But at least the Republican party says the right things even though it’s lying about what it intends to do about it. Both parties stand for global, totalitarian Socialism. But the Dems institute it quicker and I’d prefer to see our Republic die slower. For many years, I’ve been boycotting all goods from Communist countries and others with terrible human rights abuses (such as India and Indonesia). But now I can boycott the most immoral offenders in THIS country as well!

THE BLUE PAGES is one of those books you’ll open to look up one thing and find yourself buried in for the next hour. It’s filled with interesting info. such as:

* Although PepsiCo gave nearly 70% of its monetary donations to the Republican party, it “received top scores from the Human Rights Campaign 2004 Corporate Equality Index for its pro-gay, -lesbian, -bisexual, and –transgender policies.” I wish I drank Pepsi so I could quit!

* The Estee Lauder cosmetics company “earns high marks for its… longtime extension of health care benefits to its employees’ same-sex partners.” Well, I’ve been meaning to quit attending those midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show anyway.

* With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good, right? They gave 99% of their dough to the Republicans, but a 2005 report found that their jams advertised as “100% Fruit” often contained less than 50% fruit. Oh well, at least they weren’t giving their money TO the fruits.

* Good news! I can start eating Ben & Jerry’s ice cream because it’s now owned by Unilever which gave only 11% of its money to the Dems. I’m gonna gorge myself on ice cream this year, gain 300 pounds and then sue Ben & Jerry for creating an addictive product that contributes to obesity and clogged arteries. (I mean, that’s how the liberals do it, isn’t it?)

* Get this! Hooters of America paid two million bucks to settle a class action suit filed by men [sic] denied the opportunity to serve as “Hooters Girls.” Though it was ordered to create gender-neutral positions, the company still maintains that “being female is reasonably necessary” to be a Hooters Girl. Sounds “reasonable” to me. Now, THAT’S a hoot!

I love this book; it ain’t perfect but it’s my favorite Christmas gift that I didn’t receive this year. I guess I won’t be eating at liberal Denny’s anymore, but then who wants a Grand Slam Breakfast when they can have a pint of “Cherry Garcia”?

PERSONAL MESSAGE FOR GRAHAM:
Hey, buddy, if you’re still out there somewhere (i.e., someone hasn’t beaten you six feet under yet), my Sister is lookin’ fer you. She says it’s her turn!

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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