THE TRUTH ABOUT TRUTH:

All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.



Friday, December 21, 2012

‘CHOOSE YOUR OWN APOCALYPSE’ BLOGFEST

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December 21st, 2012 – The Day The World Ended
by Stephen T. McCarthy and Al Coholabuse
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A couple of misconceptions need to be cleared up. First, many people believe that our world will end like this:
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Asteroid Impact (HD)
["The Great Gig In The Sky"]
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I have it on the most reliable authority in the universe that the scenario above is entirely incorrect.
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The prophecy for December 21st, 2012, which I am about to reveal to you, is secret knowledge that has previously been known (mostly) only to Initiates and Adepts of the innerest most circles of the innerest highestly evolved spiritual cults orders
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Many years ago, I was working with my Ouija board when my spirit guide came through with this revelation. My spirit guide is an ancient Native American ascended master named Chief Bald Eagle J. O’Toupee, and he’s the high priest of ‘The Order Of The White Light Wickiup Brotherhood Shebang’ (or, T.O.O.T.W.L.W.B.S. for short).
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Through the Ouija board, manipulated by the spirit of Chief Bald Eagle J. O’Toupee, I was told how our world will end later today. My spirit guide got the information from his own spirit guide - the Kenyan master, Harrison J. Bounel - who got it from Reverend Anne Puryear, who got it from Neale Donald Walsch, who got it from Elizabeth Clare Prophet, who got it from Saint Germain, who got it from Benjamin Creme, who got it from Alice Bailey, who got it from Annie Besant, who got it from Madame Blavatsky, who got it from Albert Pike, who got it from Nostradamus, who got it from Lord Akashic J. Records, who got it from a light-hearted camel, who got it from a merry old mammal, who got it from a barrel of monkeys, who got it from a pack of silly donkeys, who got it straight from the Cosmic Cat.
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A photo of the Cosmic Cat
In his natural habitat.
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The Cosmic Cat got this esoteric prophecy from 
a ‘Magic 8 Ball’ :
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Where the ‘Magic 8 Ball’ got this prophecy, only the Laughing Lion and the Grinning Gator knows... but it’s wholly trustworthy information!
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However, lest you mistakenly think this is all just a hand-me-down prophecy that hasn’t been verified by the scientific study of some of the grey-matterest brains known to mankind, you should be made aware of the following facts: Some scientists and researchers over many decades have also discovered this esoteric prophecy encoded in the ancient Mayan Calendar, the Egyptian ‘Book Of The Dead’, the Bhagavad Gita, and the holy Qur'an. Some nuts have even claimed to find it cloaked in a Bible Code, but I seriously doubt that!  It’s highly unlikely that a prophecy this accurate and this important could be found in The Bible, which, by now, everyone should know was a simple hoax meant to poke fun at the fools who believe in a ‘Santa Claus God’.
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So, what does the prophecy state? Well, that leads to a second misconception that I must misspell dispel: 
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In 1977, the Rock group ‘Kansas’ said that all we are is dust in the wind, but that’s not even within shouting distance of the truth. Ordinarily you can take what Rock Stars say as “gospel” because they are really hip and cool and know the gig. But in this rare case, ‘Kansas’ didn’t know what they was yakking about; it was just a load of yodeling carp ‘n’ floppin’ feathers!
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In fact, according to the ancient prophecy, all we are is fleas on a dog. Yep, that’s right! We are merely billions of fleas occupying a bald, scaly spot on the butt of a ginormous, mangey dog named General George Sterling Price - who is sleeping in a place called ‘Apocalypse Alley’.
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We have been living on the bald spot of this ginormous sleeping dog’s rump for about 4.5 billion years (that’s 31 billion, 500 million in ‘Dog Years’, also known as “a godzillian”). And everything would remain just fine and comfy if no one and nothing disturbed General George Sterling Price’s rest. We wouldn’t have to die later today if only “it” (whatever “it” is) would let the sleeping dog lie!
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Unfortunately, the prophecy states that later today - December 21st, 2012 - someone or something is going to awaken the sleeping dog. When that happens, the first thing the dog is going to do is yawn, then stand up, and then shake-shake-shake, shake-shake-shake, shake his booty. And when the dog does that, we fleas are going to fly off the bald spot on his butt, go spinning violently through the atmosphere, and then crash against a brick wall in ‘Apocalypse Alley’. The collision with the wall will kill us all, and put us out of our misery forevermore.
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True, it will end our physical existence when we “hit the wall”, but prior to the collision, while we fleas be flying, it’s going to be one exhilarating ‘E-Ticket Ride’; I suggest you just relax and enjoy it, for it’ll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience!
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The prophecy further states that just prior to this comprehensive, canine cleansing catastrophe, the favored, fortunate few of the spiritual hierarchy will find themselves ‘Raptured’, or ‘Plucked Up’, also known as ‘Intoxicated’. And as I type these words, I sip, sip, sip my fifth whiskey – making me one of the “favored, fortunate few”.
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I realize that a wee bit o’ this prophecy may seem a teensy-weensy tad far-fetched, but I actually have photographic evidence to prove it!
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One night, my master spirit guide, Chief Bald Eagle J. O’Toupee, appeared to me while I was engaged in a “guided visualization” technique, and he told me to go to the garage, find the big box my mother kept her photo album in, and locate the picture that showed her, pregnant with me, standing next to my Pop and in front of their old car.
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I found the photograph and as I was staring at it, Chief Bald Eagle J. O’Toupee mysteriously transformed it before my eyes into a picture of the ginormous dog General George Sterling Price (on whose mangey, spot-bald butt we all live) in ‘Apocalypse Alley’ sometime prior to taking his 31 billion, 500 million year nap. Here’s the picture:
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I have no idea who the other figures in that photo are; 
I assume they must be gods.
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Anyway, that’s the total truthful truth about the ancient prophecy concerning our world and how it’s all going to end for us here today. You may have just enough time left to say “I love you” to your loved ones and to kiss your mangey, bald butt ‘Goodbye’.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy & Al Coholabuse
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NOTE:
To My Fellow & Fellowette Blogfest Participants...
Al and I have to work today, but we will be around to check out your Blogfest entries late tonight and/or tomorrow (if there is a ‘tomorrow’). 
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YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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25 comments:

  1. That's quite a comprehensive canine cleansing catastrophe you've got going on there. Since it's a little early to be intoxicated, I guess I'll just have to 'hit the wall', with the rest of the fleas.

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  2. Humor during this blogfest is a good thing. Thank you.

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  3. That was a very different approach. I think Al definitely played a big part of this collaboration. I don't think Stephen believes a word of it--well, maybe a few words.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  4. Wow. Seriously though, fleas on a dog...it makes sense in so many ways!

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  5. I've come to learn that you never mock the wisdom of the all-mighty Magic 8 Ball. It does things to you if you laugh, or shake it again for a more desirable answer. Awesome post! :)

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  6. I think you are more like one of the "flavored" fortunate few.

    I must say, it is truly discouraging to come to understand that we are only fleas on a dog's mangy behind! And one named after one of the worst generals of the Civil War, too! Jeez...

    Are you sure your spirit guide wasn't mistaken?

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  7. Magic Eight Ball, not so good... where do we go from here...

    Did we make it?
    My link is dead, I ask again did we make it?
    [Visit my post for that to make sense]

    Great end of the world post!!
    Jeremy [Retro]
    Oh No, Let's Go... Crazy

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  8. Well I have read all and have decided your theory must be flawed or where does that famous old saying come from 'The hair of the dog' referring as it does normally to the day after the day before. If there is one thing I do know it is you cant have the day after the Apocalypse.

    Anyway I liked what you wrote although I feel my own story of the End of the World is much better as it based on truth and fact. We all know that cheese will travel through space without any problems as proved by NASA and thus the link to gulls and aliens is a logical progression based on pure logic.

    Some might say a theory based on a large dog is barking Mad . . . . . .HAH HAHah hahahah hah ahahahh ahah ahahhhah hahah ha.

    Well done though I was impressed

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  9. Well, you know, how can we argue with the photographic evidence? Now that I know I'm just a flea, my life has no meaning! I am feeling rather hoppy, though.

    Thanks for participating!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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  10. That was quite in depth and hilarious. Someone else in the blogfest had a similar entry. They both remind me of the first Men In Black film where an entire universe was encapsulated in a marble attached to a dog's collar.

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  11. Wow. I had no idea we were just fleas. I look forward to flying before dying. XD

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  12. Love it! Great post, great take on the apocalypse. Indeed, fleas on a dog--and the dog shakes us off. Favorite line: "while we fleas be flying" :D

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  13. Comments acknowledged, and I thanks ya'll. A personal reply will be posted to all y'all sometime tomorrow. But right now, Jim Beam has got me by the throat... AND I FEEL FINE!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  14. Stephen-

    Innerestin' take, although ya surpsied me-I figured your citations would put mine to shame!

    LC

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  15. 'We're all fleas on a dog's back' - I like that ring of equality; perhaps someone could explain that to those who think they're better than the rest of us!

    Like the photographic 'proof' - so, it MUST be true! ;-p

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  16. Very funny. It seems that in addition to knowing exactly how it will all end, you have answered the ultimate question of who the infamous "they" are. I had always wondered.....
    A2Z Mommy and What’s In Between

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  17. I'm only just now finding the time to reply to the comments and visit the entries of other Blogfest participants:

    FarAwayEyes ~
    Essentially what I did here was write a satire based on one of the (very many) excellent paragraphs found in the book 'ONE WORLD' by Tal Brooke.

    The paragraph in question is the second-to-last one in the 15th chapter titled ‘Bridges To The New Consciousness’. Here’s what it says:

    During the era of the Old Testament, a prophet was ruthlessly scrutinized. But “The Tibetan” and similar entities have been accepted by millions of people who don’t even question their credentials or their origin. They stake their eternal souls on some voice wired to the other end of the universe. It is a strange double standard: the same people who rattle off minor points about the Bible that they think will dispose of its validity and hence its authority will offer their souls to some channeled revelation or godman without hesitation. Their focused skepticism is selective and self-serving. It’s as if they have already made up their minds. Herein lies a deep mystery – it is the mystery of the human heart. The Bible makes a powerful point – those who have a love of the Truth will find God. It may take years, as it did me in India, but those driven by a love of the truth will find it in the end.

    I took that spot-on observation and decided to build an End-Of-The-World satire around it, complete with the names of many occult heroes and a derogatory shot at The Holy Bible – that “hoax” written by “a bunch of drunken Jewish fishermen”.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

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  18. Excellent satire. I did, in fact, recognize most of those characters. Tal did hit that nail squarely on the head. The more far fetched, the more likely it is to be believed.

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  19. JOLIE - Humor is ALWAYS “a good thing”. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    BOIDMAN - Al plays a big part in EVERYTHING I do. See my reply to FAE (above) to understand what this was really all about. I came at it from a 180-degree reverse angle “just for the HELL of it”.

    MILO - There are worse things we could be than fleas on a dog… I guess… maybe.

    DAVID - Thanks for the compliment, Brother. And you are SO RIGHT – never, never mock the mighty Magic 8 Ball. Let us not forget that the Magic 8 Ball holds our destiny in its ‘purple liquid-filled chamber of power and knowledge’. It’s NOT a toy to be toyed with, people!

    SHEBOYGANBOY 6 - Well, as a fan of Western movies, hopefully you remembered that General Sterling Price was also the name of Rooster Cogburn’s cat in ‘True Grit’.

    Also, at least the General was so committed to his cause that rather than surrender to the troops of that Constitution-killing tyrant Abraham J. Lincoln, he went to Mexico. You have to admire him for that, if for nothing else.

    JEREMY - I thank you, buddy. I will be checking out YOUR End-Of-The-World scenario soon, later this very day - December 22, 2012 – a day that must be existing only in the imagination of our dead brains in our dead bodies.

    ROB - Today, only the ginormous dog is partaking of the ‘hair of the dog’.

    >> . . . We all know that cheese will travel through space without any problems as proved by NASA

    To be honest, I’m not even fully convinced yet that NASA (‘Never A Straight Answer’) has proven that mankind can land on the Moon and return again safely to Earth.

    SHANNON - Indeed, the photographic evidence clinches the argument. Who would doubt what they can see with their own eyes?

    Thanks for hosting the Blogfest – it was a fun one.

    NANCY - Thanks! I have never seen any of the ‘Men In Black’ movies, so I was unaware of how similar my idea was. Maybe some smart yo-yo in Hollyweird should hire me to write screenplays.

    PATRICIA - Like I said, the flight would have been (had the prophecy been accurate) a real ‘E-Ticket Ride’. (I wonder how many people even know where that expression comes from.)

    GUILIE - Ha! Thanks. Very pleased you liked it. I think my own favorite moment is probably when I converted the billions of years that so many geologists say the Earth has existed into the more appropriate ‘Dog Years’.

    I’ll be reading your own version of the Apocalypse soon.

    DiscConnected - Since I knew there was a less than zero chance that the world would end yesterday, I decided to take a very light satirical look at the pseudo-spiritual aspect of the whole shebang. (See my reply above to FAE.)

    You did manage to work Al Stewart into your post, but I referenced 4 singers/groups and one obscure Yuletide tune. Obviously there was Pink Floyd, Kansas, and KC And The Sunshine Band. But did you catch the lyric line I lifted from a Nils Lofgren song found on his 1975 debut solo album with ‘The Fat Man’ cover? (Nappy caught it immediately.)

    And then the obscure Yuletide tune I borrowed from, which I knew no one would be aware of, can be found by clicking HERE. The quality is really ragged because someone simply filmed it from off their TV screen, but that’s the source of most of my ‘animal’ references in the post.

    SUE - Yep, there’s no better proof than a photograph!

    TRACY - Right! I wanted to leave no stone unturned in this post, since I knew it was the last one I’d ever have an opportunity to write.

    Thanks y’all for the comments!

    ~ Stephen

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  20. That was mighty good story but you had me at barrel of monkeys. Anything with a barrel of monkeys is alright by me!!

    Thanks for playing and come get your badge!

    Chuck

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  21. Wow, StMcC -

    I missed almost ALL of your references. I forgot the name of Rooster's cat in True Grit. I missed all of the musical references. I missed the "One World" connection (even though I have read the book.) I DID at least get that you were hammering false prophets and mocking new age religion... but I'd have to be a complete nincompoop to have missed that.

    I should know to get my search engine ready when you post something and "google" it all to get the most out of your blog bits.

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  22. CHUCK ~
    Thanks for hosting this fun blogfest and giving me an opportunity to throw a monkey wrench into a barrel of monkeys.

    I picked up my 'Survivor Badge' and it is now proudly displayed at the top o' my blog bit.


    SHEBOYGANBOY 6 ~
    When you say you missed "all" of the musical references, I know you can't possibly REALLY mean "ALL".

    Yes, if you didn't play the video at the beginning, it was possible to miss Pink Floyd. I was sure no one would catch the "animal" references from 'The Little Drummer Boy'; and if DiscConnected didn't notice the Nils Lofgren lyric, it was highly unlikely anyone else would (probably including Nils Lofgren himself).

    But there was no way ANYONE could read the blog bit and miss the 'Dust In The Wind' reference (Kansas) or the KC And The Sunshine Band reference ('Shake Your Booty').

    You might have missed 3 of the 5 musical references but not "all" of them. So, buck up, Little Camper - I'm sure you didn't miss any more than anyone else did.

    >>... I should know to get my search engine ready when you post something and "google" it all to get the most out of your blog bits.

    Ha! Well, I DID throw just about everything but the kitchen sink into this one. It was The End Of The World, so I thought to myself: Give it EVERYTHING I've got... except for the kitchen sink and the toilet, just in case by some slim chance the world don't end and I needs 'em later.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  23. Nothing will humble you quite like hearing you're a flea on a dog's ass hair. All my spirit guide ever tells me is to burn things or punch people. He may not be a "spirit guide" so much as he's "alcohol abuse."

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  24. Also, now that I just posted that comment, I have to point out the hilarity of the comment you just left. For I did come check out your entry, at the same time you were reading ours today. Unfortunately, this flea was holding onto that ass-hair for dear life to stop by any sooner. ;)

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  25. BEER BOY B. ~
    Plenty of times I have been called worse than "a flea on a dog's butt", so for me it might actually be a move up on the food chain.

    >>... All my spirit guide ever tells me is to burn things or punch people. He may not be a "spirit guide" so much as he's "alcohol abuse."

    I read that twice and it made me literally laugh out loud BOTH times. It seems you and I may share the same spirit guide. Either that, or we share the same "disease". And I expect someday to be able to proof it.

    I hope the X in your Xmas is, like, really big and joyful 'n' stuffs!

    ~ Stephen

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