MY FAVORITE BEER... SUCKS?

In the comment section HERE, I was yakking with one of my Magnificent Seven, 'Brother Beer Boy Bryan', and having a good time doing it too. In fact, another one of The Seven (FarAwayEyes) told me that she really enjoyed reading the extensive conversation that 4-B and I engaged in THERE. (To me, comment sections like THAT are the best reasons for blogging!)

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As I wrote to 4-B in that comment section:

By no means are you preventing me from “putting up another blog post”. I have been trying to decide where to go next and just haven’t made up my mind...  I have planned (by mere coincidence) another blog bit about why I dislike police officers.

Also, one of my ‘New World Order’ conspiracy pieces about how and why the Republican party has deliberately refused to remove Barack Obama from office when, in fact, he could very easily be serving time in a federal prison right this very minute... if the Republican party desired that.

And then there’s these 1+3 Obama scandals I could write about: ‘Fast And Furious’; ‘Benghazi’; ‘The I.R.S. Targeting Of Conservative Groups’; and ‘The Department Of Justice’s Snooping Into The Associated Press Phone Records’.

I have so much material right now that my head is spinning and I don’t even know which direction I should go in next. (‘I’m All Over The Map, Which Is My Oyster’, or something like that.)

Well, I’m still in doubt about where to go next. But I’m smart enough to know: When in doubt, yak about beer.

You already know how much I hate – HATE! – Phoenix, Airheadzona. Up until recently, the only thing I liked about this city was the annual ‘Glendale Jazz And Blues Festival’, but after 29 years even that was cancelled in 2013 due to “budget cuts” (Bullsh#t!)

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Well, recently, my brother Napoleon and I discovered something else we like about Phoenix. I drove past this place every morning while working and the sign caught my eye:

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I mentioned THE MAIN INGREDIENT Ale House & Cafe to Nappy and he said he’d driven past it and noticed it too. So we got online and checked out their site, and we were so pleased to see so many unique beers and ales available on draft and bottled that we decided to try it out that Saturday.

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I ordered ‘The Main Ale’ and this...

Artichoke Heaven
......a warm dip with artichoke hearts, green chiles, & 3 cheeses served with La Tolteca tortilla chips

It was so good that we went back the next week and I ordered the ‘Artichoke Heaven’ again. The following week I sampled a couple more ales and this time I was more hungry and so I ordered this...

Griddled Cheese
......havarti, muenster, & cheddar, with local tomato, on sourdough

Without question that was the BEST grilled cheese sandwich I’d ever had. So now, to my great surprise, I found myself returning to THE MAIN INGREDIENT more for the food than the brew. The second time I had the ‘Griddled Cheese’ sandwich, I felt compelled to photograph it first:

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'THE MAIN INGREDIENT' BAR

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THE LITTLE TABLE WHERE MY BROTHER AND I USUALLY SIT
(We Don't Know That Woman With The Tiny Feet!)

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But this time I tried a new brew that had suddenly made an appearance on the menu: Lagunitas SUCKS (‘Brown Shugga’ Substitute Ale).

My papa’s real big. He did like he pleased. That’s why everybody worked on him. The last time I’ve seen my father he was blind in the cedars from drinking. And every time he put the bottle to his mouth, he don’t suck out of it. It SUCKS out of him until he’d shrunk so wrinkled and yellow even the dogs don’t know him.

~ Chief Bromdon

‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’

I’d never heard of Lagunitas SUCKS (‘Brown Shugga’ Substitute Ale) before, but I was very familiar with the Lagunitas Brewing Company. In fact, Lagunitas (along with the Odell Brewing Company of Colorado) was already one of my two favorites overall.

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BROTHER NAPPY AND I BOTH LOVE THIS BREW

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NAPPY AND I GREW UP IN "OLD" DOGTOWN, CALIFORNIA

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I first discovered Lagunitas beer while on a weekend trip in Flagstaff with my Brother in 2007. It’s a somewhat humorous story that involves the Cleveland Indians baseball club and the history of Rock ‘N’ Roll. Maybe I’ll tell it someday... but not today.

Back to THE MAIN INGREDIENT...

Well, by about my 3rd or 4th sip of Lagunitas SUCKS, I was already thinking that it might be the best ale I’d ever had – and that’s really saying something, because I have sampled A LOT of different beers and ales. [Blind Beer Taste Tests (Or, Beer Battles: Who Hops To The Top?)]

‘SUCKS’ starts out with very pronounced citrus-like, grapefruit-y overtones but finishes with that bitter bomb of hops that “hopheads” love so much. I was pretty much hooked immediately (Alc. 7.85%; I.B.U. 63.21).

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THIS ALE DOESN'T "SUCK"

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I was curious whether or not other beer dudes thought ‘SUCKS’ super like I did, so I eventually looked it up on a couple of beer fanboy sites (I was not alone)...

http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/220/74986

http://www.ratebeer.com/beer/lagunitas-sucks/158433/

http://brewreport.blogspot.com/2013/01/lagunitas-brown-shugga-substitute-ale.html

The label on the bottle says a lot, but it doesn’t say it all:

E.K. Ross would have enjoyed our suffering in 2010 when we saw we couldn’t brew our ‘Brown Shugga’. But in that time of deepest despair, as is common to artists everywhere, broke, hungover, abandoned by the muse and prepared to take a job at Arby’s, we found in that darkness the spark of inspiration that would yield up this nearly sanctified recipe!

On a beer-staggered website I found the following extended explanation about how Lagunitas ‘SUCKS’ (‘Brown Shugga’ Substitute Ale) came into existence:

This sad holiday season we didn’t have the brewing capacity to make our favorite seasonal brew, the widely feared ‘Brown Shugga’ Ale.

You see we had a couple of really good years (thank you very much) and so heading into this season while we are awaiting the January delivery of a new brewhouse we are jammin’ along brewing 80 barrels of IPA and PILS and such every 3 hours.

A couple of months back we realized that since we can only brew a mere 60 barrels of ‘Shugga’ every 5 hours, that we were seriously screwed. For every case of ‘Shugga’ brewed, we’d short 3 cases of our favorite daily beers. It’s a drag.

This year, we brewed something that we think is also cool and brews more like our daily brews. The new brewhouse will help insure this kind of failure never happens again.

It’s a mess that we cannot brew our ‘Brown Shugga’ this year and we suck for not doing it. There is nothing cool about screwing this up this badly and we know it.

Maybe we can sue our own sorry selves. There is no joy in our hearts this holiday and the best we can hope for is a quick and merciful end. F*@& us. This totally blows. Whatever. We freaking munch moldy donkey butt and we just want it to be all over...

So this substitute beer is a ‘Cereal Medley’ of Barley, Rye, Wheat, and Oats…. Full of complexishness from the 4 grains, and weighing in at 7.85% abv, then joyously dry-hopped for that big aroma and resinous hop flavor.

Gotta love a brewing company that says “F*@& us” and tells the world they “SUCK” right on their beer label. Ha! That’s a company I can definitely forgive. Funnier still is that if you look up the opinions of WorldWideWeb beer fanatics you’ll find that generally they like ‘SUCKS’ better than ‘BROWN SHUGGA’ – the ale that ‘SUCKS’ was brewed to replace in a pinch.

I have since gone back to THE MAIN INGREDIENT several times and consumed ‘SUCKS’ several more times. If it’s not now my very favorite ale, I don’t know what is.

And with each visit to THE MAIN INGREDIENT, I try some new food item from the menu. Last Saturday, Nappy and I split these:

Veggie Quesadilla
......griddled red pepper & red onion with Oaxacan cheese, sour cream, house-made guacamole, & salsa on the side

Mindy’s Mac & Cheese

......baked to perfection, with loads of cheddar & mild green chiles

Both were excellent! Next Saturday, I intend to try this:

The Calvano
......sopressata, aged provolone, chopped artichoke hearts, & house-roasted red peppers on focaccia

Anyone know what “sopressata” is? (It doesn’t have eyes, does it? I’m a longtime vegetarian.)

OK, so maybe not everything in Phoenix...  sucks.

Lagunitas and they're ice cold, yes, she got 'em for sale.
Man, don't mess around ‘em Lagunitas now
'Cause they too black bad, if you mess around ‘em Lagunitas
They gonna upset your backbone, put your kidneys to sleep
They due to break away your liver 
And dare your heart to beat ‘bout my...
Lagunitas ‘cause they ice cold, 
Yes, they got’ em for sale, I mean...
Yes, she got ‘em for sale, yeah.

~ Robert Johnson

‘They’re Red Hot’ (-reinterpreted)

FarAwayEyes, congratulations!

U R my hero and...

This brew

Is 4 U:

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~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.

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