.
[Also, 'THE LAST WALTZ' - Part 1 Of 2]
On September 2, 2012, I published here at 'Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends' a blog bit titled 'How I'm Getting Over (The Hell That Is 2012)'. Pretending to be my brother Napoleon, in the comment section of that blog bit I wrote as a joke: “It is my sad duty to inform you all that on Monday, September 3rd, Stephen committed suicide using a raw artichoke, a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup, and a Korean War dog tag. (Don't ask - believe me, you don't want to know!)” Well, as you can tell by this writing, I did manage to survive 2012 without offing myself with a raw artichoke. Unfortunately though, things have only gotten worse for me since 2012. I'll spare you the details. Just know that due to the combination of my home life and my job life, I have felt dead for over 3 years now – dead, Dead, DEAD!
[Also, 'THE LAST WALTZ' - Part 1 Of 2]
On September 2, 2012, I published here at 'Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends' a blog bit titled 'How I'm Getting Over (The Hell That Is 2012)'. Pretending to be my brother Napoleon, in the comment section of that blog bit I wrote as a joke: “It is my sad duty to inform you all that on Monday, September 3rd, Stephen committed suicide using a raw artichoke, a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup, and a Korean War dog tag. (Don't ask - believe me, you don't want to know!)” Well, as you can tell by this writing, I did manage to survive 2012 without offing myself with a raw artichoke. Unfortunately though, things have only gotten worse for me since 2012. I'll spare you the details. Just know that due to the combination of my home life and my job life, I have felt dead for over 3 years now – dead, Dead, DEAD!
Hokey-Smoke & Hoo-Wee! “This world” is full of surprises and I'm often bewildered by the twists & turns one life can take. Up can turn Down when you least expect it. In can turn Out when you're least prepared for it. And sometimes to your utter amazement you can find that folks you thought were so strong emotionally fold when it's 'Crunch Time'. (And sometimes that person folding can be us.) You can think you have all your ducks in a row and then life can turn on a dime, and not always in a positive direction.
Decisions
that other folks make - completely independent of your input - can
impact your life in ways you'd have never imagined and take your
future plans and rip them into chunks 'n' tatters like a lost kite
picked up by a passing tornado. That's where I am today. I
had experienced some good times and some bad times, but I thought
that after the suicides of two friends and the murder of a third, my
worst times were behind me. And then... and then... here came the
blues again!
I
guess sometimes the best thing – or only thing – we can do is
start over again from scratch. And now I know I have to step out in
the darkness and take a chance, because I simply cannot live any
longer with this anger and depression I've been feeling. I
MUST respond to the situation; I MUST make changes to try salvaging
what is left of the time I will live beyond this 55th year I'm
enjoying [Cough!-Cough!]
right now.
As
some of you already know, I am intending to move out of Airheadzona
in three months. Another change is that I am now, with this blog bit,
officially making 'Ferret-Faced
Fascist Friends'
inactive. I've said everything here about politics and spirituality
that I have to say (and I've said it all about 12 different ways).
The only thing I never got to was my A-List examination of the U.S.
Military, but some of you can probably imagine some of the things
that blog bit would have contained.
As
it is, I already have a collection of notes for that proposed
anti-U.S. Military blog bit that is longer than your right and left
arm combined. Will I ever return here and publish it? Maybe. But I
wouldn't bet any money on it, and it won't be for quite awhile, if it
happens at all. I need to walk away from this blog, get my life back
in order, reignite my past Spiritual life and begin Meditating daily
again, because I don't feel as close to God as I used to. At one
time, I felt like I was in a state of prayer 24/7/365. I haven't felt
that good in a long time.
Over
the last year, some things have happened that I believe I can
rightly interpret as God putting an Arm around me while whispering,
“Remember
Me, Stephen. Return to Me, My son.” I
am going to share a few of those things with you before I leave.
There
is a library where I work. During down times I'd take my Holy Bible
in there and read it in a comfortable chair in a corner of one room,
which just by mere chance happened to be the Religion section of the
library. One night I glanced to my left and saw a book on
a shoulder-height shelf next to me. It was titled 'GOD
OF
HOPE'.
What really caught my attention though was the surname of the author:
Illingworth. One of the men who 31 years ago founded the place where I work
was a Christian minister named Illingworth, so curious, I pulled the
book down from the shelf and discovered that it had been written by
J. Davis Illingworth, the son of the organization's founder. On the
title page was a handwritten note from the author, and it said:
Listen to your heart. Romans 8:28. www.godofhope.net.
And
we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,
to those who are called according to His purpose.
~
Romans 8:28
I
read 'GOD
OF
HOPE'.
Already very familiar with The Holy Bible, there wasn't anything in
the main body of the text that I didn't already know. But in the
first chapter, 'Playing Chess With God', the author included some
personal background information that really, Really, REALLY spoke to
me. Here are the relevant excerpts:
I
grew up in Wheeling, West Virgina, where my father was a minister. …
My father always told me that God has a purpose and a plan for the
lives of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). My father said that if he
would play a game of chess with a master chess player like Bobby
Fischer, no matter what move he would make on the board, Bobby
Fischer would win. Similarly, in the game of life, God will always
win but in a positive way. No matter what decision we make in life,
God will make His move on the board of life that will get us who love
Him where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there to
fulfill His purpose and plan for our lives.
Our
house had not even been listed yet, when two prospective buyers
viewed the house on Saturday morning. The first couple offered us
full price, and the second couple offered more than the asking price.
Checkmate! We were moving to Cleveland, Ohio.
There
are SO MANY little details in that story that speak to me that I can
barely read it without feeling moisture welling up in my eyes.
Not too long afterwards, I was again in that library, seated in the same chair and reading some book of my own (probably The Bible) when I glanced to my left again and saw a book titled 'BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW' sitting there on the same shelf. It was written by somebody named John Eldredge. I was wondering: What is a book called 'BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW' doing in the Religion section?
I
was too curious! This punk HAD
to know. So I plucked the book from the shelf. The next thing I knew,
I had read it cover-to-cover three times and had sent copies to about
twelve friends, and I had written and published a review of it here
at F-FFF:
Link:
'THE VERY BEST BOOK ABOUT JESUS CHRIST'* (Or, 'THE SECOND BEST BOOK ABOUT JESUS CHRIST') *other than 'The Holy Bible'
Link:
'THE VERY BEST BOOK ABOUT JESUS CHRIST'* (Or, 'THE SECOND BEST BOOK ABOUT JESUS CHRIST') *other than 'The Holy Bible'
'BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW' didn't really teach me anything about Christ Yeshua that I didn't already know, but it was one of the very best books I have ever read – it immediately leaped onto my all-time Top 10 list – and it contained a message that I badly needed to be reminded of... at least three times ...because I had wandered so far from my Walk with my Holy King, my Best Friend, and my Big Brother.
On April 18, 2014, my buddy LC (DiscConnected) and I went to the Musical
Instrument Museum for a Rickie Lee Jones concert. She played some of
my favorite RLJ songs such as 'Young Blood', 'Chuck E.'s In Love', 'We
Belong Together', 'On Saturday Afternoons In 1963', and 'Coolsville'.
But for me (and I never mentioned this to LC) the highlight of the entire
concert was when Rickie played a song I had never heard before. The
song was 'THE MOON IS MADE OF GOLD', and I found out later that it
was actually written by Rickie's late father.
While
Rickie was standing center-stage and singing that song, it went
straight into my heart and warmed me in a Divine-like way. I KNEW FOR
SURE that I was MEANT to be hearing that song right then and there.
God was speaking directly to me through that song, so I made it a
point to remember the chorus so I could look it up later and find out
where it came from, because I NEEDED to own a copy of it.
Curiously, I discovered that the song was from a RLJ album titled – of all things – 'BALM IN GILEAD'. (I trust you catch the significance.)
Curiously, I discovered that the song was from a RLJ album titled – of all things – 'BALM IN GILEAD'. (I trust you catch the significance.)
Basically, 'THE MOON IS MADE OF GOLD' is a “look for the silver lining” song, but it's upgraded
to GOLD. And I still believe it was a gold that God wanted me to pay
special attention to:
Don't
feel bad because the Sun went down
The
night has wealth untold
Just
keep watching and you soon will see
The
Moon is Made of Gold
…
And
one by one
Your
dreams will all come true
Magic
you'll behold
Don't
feel bad because the Sun went down
The
Moon is Made of Gold
'THE
MOON IS MADE OF GOLD' – Rickie Lee Jones
Continued in PART
TWO.
~
Stephen T. McCarthy
YE
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