THE TRUTH ABOUT TRUTH:

All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.



Wednesday, November 19, 2014

'MENSA-DONKEY 101' (Or, 'HOW TO WIN ENEMIES AND IRRITATE LIBERALS')

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MENSA-DONKEY 101
[*From the STMcC Archive: Thursday, May 22, 2008] 

In my last blog bit titled 'One For My Baby And One More For The Road', I did not post that song anywhere because that's just what you were expecting me to do. But now that you're not expecting it anymore, here it is, for you to listen to while reading the rest o' this blog bit:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m121tmJzcAc

Welcome to 'Mensa-donkey 101' or 'How To Win Enemies And Irritate Liberals' (Pay attention because there WILL be a test.)

For a few years now, I have used the expression “A Mensa-donkey In Phoenix, Airheadzona” in conjunction with my pseudonym. It seems that this has led to some confusion, with some individuals assuming that I am a member of Mensa. Truth is, I occasionally coin my own words and phrases. For example, “Liquidated” means Dead Drunk. Regarding the local football team, in the past, when the team was truly atrocious, I have said that “The Arizona Cardinals are so bad they couldn’t even beat the Arizona Cardinals.” (Feel free to borrow the phrase whenever your own sports team is stinking up your taxpayer-funded stadium.)

Thinking that he was putting me in my (egotistical) place, a Liberal once left this remark for me in the Comment section of one of my Amazon.scum reviews: “Sorry but I'll never be as dumb as you need me to be. I'm MENSA too but I don't put it at the end of my Amazon moniker.”

Being a proud non-Mensa smart-ass, I responded with this: “Mensa-donkey is my own euphemism for Smart-ass, and I would have expected a Mensa member to ‘get it’ without explanation. I wouldn't know whether or not I qualify for membership because I've never felt a need to have my intelligence evaluated and verified by some preening, egotistical, egg-headed organization.”

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape; you don’t spit into the wind; you don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger; and you don’t mess around with a Mensa-donkey Master.


The idea that anyone would mistake me for a Mensa member is pretty laughable: I was a straight “C” student in high school... although I WAS above average in athletics and in girl-watching at the beach during periods 2, 3, and 4 (I always returned to school after lunch because in my 5th period Public Speaking class I sat next to Jean Gonzalez - a seriously hot babe! Yow!) And I undoubtedly have the lowest SAT scores ever recorded this side of the Special Olympics. (I used to answer the first 5 to 7 questions properly, but then I’d get bored and rebellious and start turning my answer page into pictures: “Let’s see… I’ll make section 2 a Peace Sign, and section 3 a big star, and section 4 will be a Colt .45.” That wouldn’t go over so well today because they now frown on guns in school, even if the gun doesn’t shoot lead but is merely comprised of No. 2 pencil lead on an SAT answer sheet.)

I have no idea what my I.Q. is because I’ve never had it tested as I don’t really believe in the accuracy of I.Q. tests (and that alone probably makes me some kind of a genius).

I don’t know if there are any advantages to being a Mensa member, but I know that there are advantages to being an effective smart-ass. For one thing, people who are aware of your style and smart-ass aptitude don’t mess with you much. A very funny friend of mine recently said to me that he thinks I “sort of do debate martial arts, catching [an opponent’s] line and using it against him in improved form.” (A great compliment which I value more than I would the phony back-patting from 100 card-carrying Mensa eggheads.)

Another surprising benefit of advanced Mensa-donkey martial arts is that it dissuades friends from E-mailing you those silly questionnaires that are supposed to test your personality, or loyalty, or attractiveness to the opposite sex. (You know what I’m talking about here... those quizzes that you never received prior to the invention of E-mail - back when people had to address an envelope and put a first-class stamp on it.)

There are a couple of basic ideas to keep in mind if you want to sharpen your own Mensa-donkey skills and eventually earn your Black Belt:

#1) The acronym N.A.S.A. stands for National Aeronautics and Space Administration, but some observers commenting on that famous spaced-out organization’s notorious tendency to obfuscate issues and evade straightforward questions have charged that the acronym really stands for Never A Straight Answer”. (When you've lied for decades to the Americonned Sheeple about having landed men on the Moon and returning them to Earth, you really can't afford to give straight answers.)


This is a truly essential acronym for Mensa-donkeys to remember also, as it goes right to the heart of being a smart-ass. Always think NASA: Never A Straight Answer. Nothing infuriates a person like getting twisted responses to basic questions. Someone has asked you a very upfront, forthright question and is expecting a direct and valid answer in response? Never give them a straight answer; take their question and TWIST IT!

#2) Consider words and how they can be wielded. Many words (and phrases) have multiple meanings, or can be given new interpretations with just a little bend - and this can be an effective weapon when an opponent’s own “wordSword” can be bent backwards and used to disembowel him or her. (Ain’t that a cool word? WordSword: it’s the word “word” twice with the bent letter “S” in the middle. I dunno, I guess I’m just easily entertained.) Example: When a Liberal said to me, “You're quite full of yourself, aren't you?” I answered his question with, “I would much rather be full of myself than be full of what you are!” Word starts with “W”, and so does “Weapon.” Coincidence? I don’t think so! Always ask yourself: “How can I use his words against him?” And then DO IT!

#3) Alliteration. Is this just a natural God-given gift? Whether or not alliteration can actually be taught and mastered as other skills can be is still a hotly contested point in Mensa-donkey dojos the world over, but the bottom line is this: Alliteration is an effective device which strikes hard and makes a blow more memorable. The “Morning After Alliteration Sting” (MAAS) has been recognized and hailed as the premier "junkyard dog bite" of Mensa-donkeyness by the Master Smart-asses throughout history. If you’ve got the gift, USE IT!

Are you ready to test your new Mensa-donkey skills? Sometime back I received one of those silly E-mail questionnaires from a friend with too much time on his hands. Well, I applied my Master Mensa-donkey techniques in answering it, and then returned it as requested. Needless to say, my friend hasn’t sent me an E-mail quiz since, and that’s a good thing. (He’s still a friend, and that’s a good thing, too.)

Following are the same 49 questions that my buddy sent to me. Get your old No. 2 pencil and a piece of paper, and answer them, keeping in mind the Mensa-donkey principles we discussed earlier. After completing the test, check your answers against mine (below) and see how you compare to a certified Master in Mensa-donkey martial arts.

1. Full name?
2. Were you named after anyone?
3. Do you wish on stars?
4. When did you last cry?
5. Do you like your handwriting?
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
7. How many kids?
8. Names and ages of kids?
9. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
10. Do you have a journal?
11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
12. Would you bungee jump?
13. What is your favorite cereal?
14. Do you think you are strong emotionally and physically?
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
16. Shoe size?
17. Red or Pink?
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
19. Who do you miss most?
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
22. Last thing you ate?
23. What are you listening to right now?
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
25. Favorite smells?
26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
29. Favorite Drink?
30. Favorite Sport to watch?
31. Hair Color?
32. Eye Color?
33. Do you wear contacts?
34. Favorite food?
35. Scary movie or Happy ending?
36. Last Movie you watched?
37. Favorite Day of the Year?
38. Summer or Winter?
39. Who do you hate in life?
40. Favorite Dessert?
41. Who is most likely to respond?
42. Least likely to respond?
43. What books are you reading?
44. What's on your mouse pad?
45. What did you watch last night on TV?
46. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
47. What's the furthest you've been from home?
48. Do you have a special talent?
49 Favorite Quote?

Now compare your answers to the answers I gave to the same questions:

1. Full name?
Stephen T. McCarthy

2. Were you named after anyone?
No, I was the first born of my siblings.

3. Do you wish on stars?
I wished on Susan Dey once, but she never showed up.

4. When did you last cry?
This afternoon while slicing onions for my Limburger cheese sandwich.

5. Do you like your handwriting?
I'd rather it was lifting a bottle of Budweiser to my lips.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Does Spam count as meat?

7. How many kids?
No more than two, and only if properly cooked.

8. Names and ages of kids?
Oh, I don't care about that as long as they're not underdone.

9. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
I don't know. Which other person?

10. Do you have a journal?
I forget; let me consult my diary and find out.

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
A lot? No. I use it exclusively.

12. Would you bungee jump?
Bungee jumping is for wimps who play it safe; I ride a motorcycle!

13. What is your favorite cereal?
Budweiser.

14. Do you think you are strong emotionally and physically?
Call me a name and see if I don't kick your butt!

15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Can I have a slice of pie instead?

16. Shoe size?
Which foot?

17. Red or Pink?
If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer a Chablis.

18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
Well, some people say that I tend to repeat myself. I don't really believe that, but that's what they say, that I tend to repeat myself.

19. Who do you miss most?
The cat - it's pretty quick.

20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
If I wanted it back, why would I have sent it in the first place?

21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Shoes again? You have a foot fetish, don't you? You really should see someone about that.

22. Last thing you ate?
A Limburger and onion sandwich.

23. What are you listening to right now?
The hum of my computer and the clicking of my keyboard.

24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Color me sad.

25. Favorite smells?
I don't know Favorite. Does he?

26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
The secretary of my girlfriend's ex-husband's lawyer.

27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The size of her... 
bank account.

28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
If he's buying the next round I do.

29. Favorite Drink?
A case of Budweiser.

30. Favorite Sport to watch?
Horse racing when my long shot comes into the homestretch with a 15 length lead.

31. Hair Color?
Hair?

32. Eye Color?
Kind of a bloodshot.

33. Do you wear contacts?
No, I usually write or call them.

34. Favorite food?
Budweiser.

35. Scary movie or Happy ending?
What does Happy's ending look like?

36. Last Movie you watched?
The Last Picture Show.

37. Favorite Day of the Year?
Payday.

38. Summer or Winter?
Why are Fall and Spring being ignored? What do you have against Fall and Spring?

39. Who do you hate in life?
 No one - they're all dead now.

40. Favorite Dessert?
Budweiser.

41. Who is most likely to respond?
The one who most needs to get a life. (That appears to be me.)

42. Least likely to respond?
Susan Dey

43. What books are you reading?
Thought you'd catch me with a trick question, eh? I'm not reading books... I'm reading an E-mail questionnaire.

44. What's on your mouse pad?
A roof?
[*Note: Whereas “My Mouse” would be a fine answer worthy of any self-professed Mensa-donkey, a real Master such as myself, gives not only the unexpected answer but also reinterprets the word “pad”, too. The technical term for this advanced technique is “Double Whammy.”]

45. What did you watch last night on TV?
The screen.

46. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
The Beach Boys.

47. What's the furthest you've been from home?
You mean today? Fry's market.

48. Do you have a special talent?
Is this a family questionnaire?

49. Favorite Quote?
"The King Of Beers."

Wait a minute here! Where's question #50? Who the hell sends a questionnaire with 49 questions on it? That's like rapping out "Shave And A Haircut" but failing to knock "Two Bits!" I just knew I shouldn't have gotten mixed up in this!

Grasshopper, now that you are graduating toward a Black Belt in the art of Mensa-donkey, let me give you just a couple more pointers to help send you on your way:

*When performing debate martial arts against a Liberal’s Socialistic bovine excrement, always remember to direct your laser-guided verbal barbs at the Liberal’s bleeding heart; never succumb to the temptation to go for the head shot, thinking to obliterate the Lib’s brain - this military tactic just assumes way too much.

*Remember the important acronym NASA: Never A Straight Answer.

*But most of all, don’t ever forget that possessing Mensa-donkey skills is a tremendous responsibility. Never take that responsibility lightly! Don’t be an evil smart-azz (a demon); always be a Mensa-donkey for good (an angel). The demons may get the girls, but the angels get the... The angels get the... Hmmm... Well, hell! Look, just be a “good” Mensa-donkey, will ya? After all, when axed about it, Lizzie Borden said, “Goodness is its own reward.”

AN  OBAMA  VOTER  ON  HIS  WAY  TO  THE  POLLING  PLACE
 
But it's not how people vote that determines a civilization's destiny – it's what makes them vote how they vote that does. In 2008 and 2012, for instance, the problem was not that the majority of the electorate voted for Obama. It was that they were the kind of people who could vote for an Obama.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy 

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.

37 comments:

  1. :) In the words of another of the leaders of 'The Peoples Republic of CA' - I'll be back!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "lifting a bottle of Budweiser to my lips"

    This from the guy who once gave me grief for ordering a Bud!

    I used to dream about joining Mensa....every time I fell asleep in high school!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DOCTOR DISC ~
      Well, be honest, if I had written "...lifting a bottle of Bear Republic's Red Rocket to my lips", how many people do you think would have the slightest clue what I was referring to? Would you?

      So, I went with Budweiser solely for the name recognition... and the slogan. But I had graduated from the ranks of 'Bud Swillers' long before I came up with those answers.

      It's too bad you didn't go to the high school I did - 3 blocks from Santa Monica Beach - where you could have ogled babes and daydreamed about them, rather than sleeping in a classroom.

      However, I will publicly give you credit for something I discovered thanks to you...

      I once gave you a little grief about drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade. That seemed kind of wimpy to me, when a guy could be drinking a craft beer instead.

      But I eventually tried it myself, when I saw it was being made at 8% and it was about 108-degrees outside. Those are actually pretty good, man. I like the Cranberry Lemonade and the Lime Lemonade best, although the Lime is kinda hard to find.

      So, I admit I prematurely judged your hankering for Mike's. Mike's wasn't going to turn me away from craft beer, but I confess there is definitely a place in the world for it.

      The only drawback is that they are way too tasty and go down way too easily for something that's 16-proof. I never got myself in trouble with them, but you gotta watch it because it would be easy to overdo those cans as they taste more like sody pop than they do adult beverages.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    2. Oh, if only you'd had access to our Award Winning* Mike's Hard Lemonade commercial. We could have told you that that Cranberry one is "Just Like Punching The Sun In The Face(™)."

      *$300 and a coupon for a free sixer of Mike's

      Delete
    3. Actually, that sounds very familiar. Did you post a version of it at ABFTS using still photos? Or maybe even the actual commercial with moving parts and all?

      Because I remember that slogan. (Is that where you removed some sunglasses to reveal another pair underneath?)

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    4. Oh yes, that was the one with the sunglasses gag, which we posted on our Youtube channel.

      Mike's Hard Commercial

      Part of the "spontaneity" of the contest was only giving us a 3 hour window to write, shoot, and upload this commercial after announcing it, so I still say "not bad" for about 1-2 hours worth of work.

      Delete
    5. Not bad at all.

      "Oh, man, I'm so hot, and SO sober!"

      Ha!-Ha! That's an awful combination to be.

      I didn't know you guys had a YouTube channel. I'll have to check that out thoroughly as soon as I've got a chance.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    6. Don't let that word fool you, "channel." We don't have anything else interesting up there. But in case we ever do... we, uh, have our own channel for it!

      Delete
    7. If you ever start uploading porn, be sure to let me know in an E pronto!

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  3. This was worth repeating, but I have to confess that after I read the response you (Official Mensa-Donkey) gave to the Liberal who posted...all the other things paled in comparison. I'm still laughing.

    Your creative "re-naming" wins the Cherdo Seal of Approval. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, thanks! There's no higher honor than receiving the CSA. (After Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize for absolutely nuttin' at all, it kind of tarnished the Nobel's reputation.)

      I want to thank the Academy, and Cherdo for casting the one and only vote that counts, and my Mother for not aborting me, Rocky And Bullwinkle who taught me everything I know, and Cap'n Crunch for making me grow up healthy, wealthy, and wise. Well, relatively healthy, anyway.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  4. 1. Full name?
    No, only partial. Bry. The 'an' is silent.

    2. Were you named after anyone?
    No, I don't know "anyone." I was named after "Bryan."

    3. Do you wish on stars?
    No, I drive a Ford so I don't need OnStar.

    4. When did you last cry?
    When I saw how long I'll be paying off my student loans.

    5. Do you like your handwriting?
    I like it but it doesn't seem to care much for me because it always comes out looking like s##t.

    6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
    I don't eat lunch. What about my favorite dinner meat?

    7. How many kids?
    The number doesn't matter. I'm not allowed within 500 feet of ANY of them.

    8. Names and ages of kids?
    It's best not to get specific. "I love kids!" - acceptable. "I love 9 year olds!" - not acceptable.

    9. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
    I wouldn't even be friends with me if I was me.

    10. Do you have a journal?
    I have a diary, a blog, a notebook, and a memoir, but I definitely do not have a journal.

    11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
    I would never dream of it.

    12. Would you bungee jump?
    Do I have to right now? I just got into my pajamas.

    13. What is your favorite cereal?
    Do I look like the kind of guy that makes "cereal money"?

    14. Do you think you are strong emotionally and physically?
    I can bench press 250 emotionally taxing issues.

    15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
    I hate them all equally.

    16. Shoe size?
    Approximately one foot.

    17. Red or Pink?
    Preferably pink. Once a person starts turning red, seek medical attention immediately.

    18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
    The fact that I need to eat, like, 3 times a day or I'll die. Talk about a s##tty design.

    19. Who do you miss most?
    The toilet.

    20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
    And start some kind of infinite loop? I think not.

    21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
    Flesh.

    22. Last thing you ate?
    S##t coming up these damn stairs.

    23. What are you listening to right now?
    Strawberry icecream.

    24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
    "Flesh colored", because it's racist and makes people angry. Just like me.

    25. Favorite smells?
    The laughter of a child.

    26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
    Myself (voicemail).

    27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
    Whether or not she's wearing pants.

    28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
    No... because nobody sent this to me, and I don't like nobody.

    29. Favorite Drink?
    Liquid.

    30. Favorite Sport to watch?
    Full contact women's volleyball.

    31. Hair Color?
    Human colored.

    32. Eye Color?
    Natural.

    33. Do you wear contacts?
    Only if she asks nicely.

    34. Favorite food?
    Chutzpah

    35. Scary movie or Happy ending?
    At the Asian massage parlor I go to... both.

    36. Last Movie you watched?
    I tried to watch a German Scheisse film but it ended up being really s##tty.

    37. Favorite Day of the Year?
    Mayday

    38. Summer or Winter?
    Summer Ale

    39. Who do you hate in life?
    In The Game of Life I hate that stupid little spinning wheel that always flew off the board or fell apart.

    40. Favorite Dessert?
    The Mojave.

    41. Who is most likely to respond?
    Paramedics.

    42. Least likely to respond?
    The police.

    43. What books are you reading?
    Now why do you assume I can read?

    44. What's on your mouse pad?
    So, so many crumbs.

    45. What did you watch last night on TV?
    Pixels forming shapes and colors.

    46. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
    Both sound equally terrible even on mute.

    47. What's the furthest you've been from home?
    According to this beeping ankle bracelet, 200 feet.

    48. Do you have a special talent?
    Fighting the elderly.

    49. Favorite Quote?
    "Where the hell is question 50? Who thought 49 questions was a bright idea? They couldn't come up with just ONE more question?" - Bryan, 2014

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hokey-Smoke! Someone actually took the challenge. (It's a lot funner than the ice water bucket challenge, ain't it?)

      Bravo, 6-B, you done real good, but no surprise there. You have passed with flying colors... well, with one color only - but it's black, as in Black Belt.

      Good answers all, but here are some of my favorites:

      7 (With a bullet!),
      8,
      14,
      16,
      19,
      24 (Ah, a little political correctness with that whine?),
      25 (I likes it when it starts to get surreal),
      34 (Sounds like some kind of spicy Polish sausage),
      40 (let's see now, where did I put my copy of 'The Muppets Teach The A, B, Zs'?),
      42(!!!),
      47 (Nice link back to #7).

      And your answer to #49 is so similar to how I ended my questionnaire that it proves yet again that great Black Belt Mensa-donkeys think alike (or you will be hearing from my lawyer soon with a legal complaint of plagiarism).

      Well done, Sir Bryan, well done!

      I've been meaning to tell you this in an E but I keep forgetting...

      A couple weeks ago I was watching an episode of Rocky & Bullwinkle when something surprising happened (can't recall the details now, but it was likely some dastardly thing Boris Badenov had done).

      Rocky shouts his usual expletive, "HOKEY-SMOKE!"
      And Bullwinkle says, "Rocky, aren't you a little young to hokey-smoke?"

      That's just one example of millions of clever little toss-offs that the series used. When I was a kid watching the first-run episodes on TV, I was probably only understanding about 5% of the show. We kids loved it for the animation and all the funny voices, but none of us had any idea how funny it REALLY was.

      I can only imagine adults watching the cartoon with their kids and laughing constantly at jokes that were flying right over the heads of their children. Greatest cartoon EVER! 'The Simpsons'? Pshaw!

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    2. I'm still howling over #7 and #47

      Delete
  5. I read this last night, and I confess that I was really tired. I didn't take the quiz. I don't think I am at your level of clever.

    The thing that is funny or ironic or *something* is that I just don't have the energy to debate anyone over politics any longer. It all seems silly and pointless. If they are still arguing over who is/was the better president, and the debate is BO vs GWB... well, does it really matter? They are CLUELESS about what is actually going on.Some smart fella I know compared it to different guy, same hat... or something like that.

    In other words, if this is a rigged game and the sheeple are simply watching the theatre show while the real business is done behind closed doors, that means the sheeple are arguing about a theatre show. I don't have the time or energy for that. I think that there is always room for more smart-ass in my vocabulary, and this was particularly helpful for that. So thanks!!!

    I mentioned you on my TV blog today. Here is the link...
    http://tvjunctionfunction.blogspot.com/2014/11/smelly-melly.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Thanks, GIRL WONDER. (I know who I'd be betting on ;-)

      Back in January of 2013, when Gun Control was a particularly hot topic, Lee did a post or two on it and then that bearded Lefty (I can't remember his name at the moment) who makes regular appearances in Lee's Comment Sections made some typically uninformed pro-gun control comments. I challenged him on something he'd written and proved he was wrong, so he began insisting he hadn't meant it the way I'd interpreted it (which everyone knew was false).

      I had announced that in a day or two I'd be posting my own blog bit on Gun Control - ['Gun Rights Vs. Gun Control' (Or, 'Protect Your Teeth To Save Your Tongue')] - and I invited Bearded Lefty to take it up with me again then and there. Lee encouraged him also, but of course he was a no-show, which didn't surprise me one whit.

      I have little doubt that he read my post, but when he found me yakking about things he'd had no idea about, he probably figured it was best not to jump back into that frying pan with me. Ha! Too bad, because I was looking forward to an extended debate with him.

      >>... I didn't take the quiz. I don't think I am at your level of clever.

      You shouldn't sell yourself short. (Well, actually, you shouldn't sell yourself at all. There's a word for women like that. ..."Popular".)

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  6. Geez, you can tell the damage that having no sense of humor does to the liberal mind. Couldn't figure out Mensa-donkey? Reminds me of the words of a pseudo-philosopher I once knew... "Give 'em books, they eat the pages."

    As much as you'll regret it, I gotta try the quiz.

    1. Full Name- same as it is when I'm empty.
    2-Named after anyone? Some guy named CW. I think it was my first doctor.
    3- I find stars much too hot to do anything on.
    4- Last Time crying- During one of the times I watched the season finale of Doctor Who. I forget whether it was the first time in 2192, or the second in 1756, or...
    5- Do you like your handwriting? If I did, would I be typing this?
    6- Favorite lunch meat? Pop Tarts for lunch, vegetable.
    7- How many kids? Three to turn the chair...
    8- Names and ages of kids- Justin Lee augsburger, 7 months. Jamie Marie Slicenham, 8 years, six months. Johnny Blake, 4 1/2 years... Is that enough or should I look up more kids?
    9- If I were another person, would you be friends with you? No. I can't stand people who won't hang out with you.
    10- Do I have a Journal? No, we dropped our subscription over a year ago.
    11-Use sarcasm a lot? Only when silence fails to work.
    12- Would you bungee jump? Not in this dress...
    13- Favorite cereal? It used to be The Young And The Restless, but now that I work days...
    14-Strong emotionally and physically? Quit pushing me! I bruise easy.
    15- Favorite ice cream flavor? Children Have Often Called Over Looking At The Extremes. (Acronyms ya want, acronyms ya get!)
    16- Shoe Size? No thanks, I already know it.
    17- Red or Pink? "I told him I think I blew a seal, and he said, 'Let's leave your sex life out of it.' "
    18- Least favorite thing about self? About six inches.
    19- Who do you miss most? Santa. I only see him once a year. Less than that, now that I don't have a chimney.
    20- Do I want everyone to send this back? No, I have plenty of this.
    23- What am I listening to right now? "... and Holmes on the receiving end..." (Figure out what that's from and win a prize!)
    21- What color shoes and pants? Are sweats pants? Are slippers shoes?
    22- Last thing you ate? Your prize.(sorry, I flipped numbers, but the answers ended up working better this way.
    24- If I were a crayon, what color would I be? The color nine...it smells nice.
    25- Favorite smell? Either I answered this on #24, or avoided it on #17.
    26- Last talked to on the phone? God, it's been 5 years since we dropped the land line. Been more recent on the cell, but it's upstairs right now.
    27- First thing you notice about the opposite sex? Opposition.
    More to come...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. >>... Geez, you can tell the damage that having no sense of humor does to the liberal mind. Couldn't figure out Mensa-donkey?

      Right? They love to say that we're the ones with no sense of humor, and yet they're the ones who're always whining and cryin'.

      1,
      10,
      12 (WHA'?!)
      13 (And they say we conservatives are illiterate!)
      16,
      17 (WHA'?!)
      18 (WHA'?!)
      23 (I bring up this interview now, because James Holmes may well be on the receiving end of MKULTRA, as his lawyers try to navigate an insanity plea in the Aurora massacre case.)

      24 (I've always thought the color 4 smelled best of all.)
      27 (GREAT answer!!!)

      ~ McDogg

      Delete
    2. The "WHA" s:

      12- Well, that one got the desired reaction!
      17- well, the question made me think of sex and the first thing I thought of was a line from a song I once heard on Dr. Demento...
      18- That one NEVER gets the desired reaction!
      23- Came from the football game playing over my shoulder.
      24- Chris Rice, Smell The Color Nine, a Christian cd I had a long time ago (approximately 14 years ago).

      Delete
    3. I never realized before how gay the rugged game of football could sound.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  7. 28- Like the person who sent you this? What sent? I came here...
    29- Favorite drink? Thanks, but I just opened this diet A&W.
    30- Favorite sport? My Grandpa always said, "You know why I like women's softball? Because you always know the count- no balls..."
    31- Hair color? Yeah, but it's fading fast.
    32- Eye color? S'okay, it's original equipment.
    33- Do I wear contacts? Only when in my chain e-mail...
    34- Favorite food? I thought we already established I was full...
    35- Scary/Happy? The end of any scary movie is a happy ending to me.
    36- Last movie you watched? Why would I wanna see that again?
    37- Favorite day of the year? No, I've had better.
    38- Summer or Winter? I'm in the northern hemisphere, so that would be winter currently.
    39- Who do you hate in life? either i or f...
    40- Favorite dessert? All together, now... "the NEXT one..."
    41- Who is most likely to respond? IDK, who are you rubbing?
    42- Least likely to respond? Ol' tired Joe.
    43- What books are you reading? None, I'm on the computer taking a quiz right now...
    44- What's on the mouse pad? Oh, get over it, I cleaned it up last night, for Pete's sake.
    45- What did you watch last night on TV? Even my bony ass can't fit on that thin an edge.
    46- Stones or Beatles? Ginger's a bimbo.
    47- Furthest from home? When I was born. Each new day brings me closer...
    48- Special talent? I wait till the dog gets settled under the covers and fart.
    49- Favorite quote? "Yes I'm glad I killed those boys and I hope they rot in hell!" Name the man and movie and win a prize!*
    *see #22.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Off to shower and work right now so a proper response will need to wait, but... got some A-list answers here (and a few that went over my head because I just woke up and my mind is Sleep-Aid-Fuzzy, but I'll get 'em when awake).

      Mo' later, BROTHER MARTIN.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    2. 30 (Women... no balls? How sad.)
      35 (Hear! Hear!)
      37 (!!!)
      39 (Gee, what about "e"?)
      44 (WHA'?!)
      45 (If I was on the TV last night, where's my residual check?!)
      47 (GREAT answer!)
      49 (A Time To Kill Bill And Hill)

      ~ McDoggBreath

      Delete
    3. 30- yes, isn't it...
      39- the e wasn't "IN" life- it was on the outside.
      44- Likely chocolate crumbs.
      45- "It's in the mail..."
      47- Thanks. I need to keep reminding myself that.
      49- Well played, McCarthy... well played.

      Delete
    4. 47 - But ain't THAT the truth?!

      ~ D-FensDogg

      Delete
  8. 1. Full name?
    dcrelief - relief being a moment away.

    2. Were you named after anyone?
    district of columbia - a drug lord

    3. Do you wish on stars?
    No, I prefer Netflix.

    4. When did you last cry?
    With the last Mohican.

    5. Do you like your handwriting?
    No, I often change the font.

    6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
    A very tasty friend.

    7. How many kids?
    A very tasty friend - don't you get it?

    8. Names and ages of kids?
    I swallowed.

    9. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
    Hot damn! Let's do lunch.

    10. Do you have a journal?
    No, I gave it for lunch meat.

    11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
    Do you?

    12. Would you bungee jump?
    Not without a diaper.

    13. What is your favorite cereal?
    Honey Nuts.(smile)

    14. Do you think you are strong emotionally and physically?
    Depends - how many questions are left?

    15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
    Banana Split - no, it's not what you think.

    16. Shoe size?
    With or without socks?

    17. Red or Pink?
    Red is passion and poison. I like pink.

    18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
    Right now - the thought that I should do this questionnaire.

    19. Who do you miss most?
    Free lunches.

    20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
    Why would I do that? Let them get their own answers.

    21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
    50 shades of gray.

    22. Last thing you ate?
    A piece of cheese the mouse left in the trap.

    23. What are you listening to right now?
    A space heater - it inspires great thoughts.

    24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
    Melted - remember I using the space heater?

    25. Favorite smells?
    Farts overlaid with pine scent - it's Christmasy!

    26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
    There was a lot of heavy breathing - does that count?

    27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
    I like male butts and I cannot lie.

    28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
    Isn't this supposed to casual?

    29. Favorite Drink?
    My Essentials soda.

    30. Favorite Sport to watch?
    Yard waste guys on Fridays.

    31. Hair Color?
    Highlighted with a little age.

    32. Eye Color?
    Steel blue-grey.

    33. Do you wear contacts?
    No I keep 'em in a metal file box.

    34. Favorite food?
    How much time do you have?

    35. Scary movie or Happy ending?
    Not since the X Files.

    36. Last Movie you watched?
    Are we getting personal now?

    37. Favorite Day of the Year?
    Why? You wanna come over and mess it up for me?

    38. Summer or Winter?
    Hot or cold - why are we always hot or cold?

    39. Who do you hate in life?
    Smeegle - if I hear, "my precious" one more time, I'll puke.

    40. Favorite Dessert?
    Does this relate to lunch or another meal?

    41. Who is most likely to respond?
    The power company on a diconnect notice.

    42. Least likely to respond?
    The ex with alimony - "my precious," - bluuuah!

    43. What books are you reading?
    You're kidding - I got a 49 point questionnaire here to do.

    44. What's on your mouse pad?
    A speaker waiting to play some tunes. Are we almost done?

    45. What did you watch last night on TV?
    I refuse to support ATT unverse - it sux.

    46. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
    Crikey! can I have two more?

    47. What's the furthest you've been from home?
    Lunch usually takes me to place far, far away!

    48. Do you have a special talent?
    Packing lunch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1 (Relief is just an Apocalypse away.)
      5 (21st Century Gal)
      11 (I don't know nothin' else.)
      13 (Hmmm...Is it your mind or mine? One of us better retrieve it before the street sweeper gets there.)

      18 (Now that you're done doing it, what is it?)
      19 (You mean you don't get money for nothing and your lunches for free?)

      21 (Can't you wear something younger, or at least dye it?)

      26 (Huh? Huhh? Huhhh? - Did that speak to you?)
      27 (You'll never be a U.S. president unless you learn to.)
      36 (Beware of contracting computer viruses.)
      44 (Just about.)
      46 (Richard and Karen Carpenter)
      49 _____________?

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  9. Hey, I remember this blog bit from the 'olden days' or at least most of it.

    Help me I'm still laughing over NASA and their scotch tape fettish. :-) Take nothing but rocks, and leave only footprints 9not even tracks). Are ya kiddin' me?

    And that questionnaire, YIKES! Hokey-Smoke and I hope the kids are in bed, to those folks who tried to take it on themselves.

    I bow to your Mensa Donkey Master-ness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I brought it back out for a last minute curtain call because it was just my third blog bit ever and didn't get no luv back then 'cause no one knew me.

      Now they know me but come around anyway.

      WHAT?! Are you saying you don't believe our astronuts walked on the Moon? What're ya, a damn commie or sumpin?! ...Ya know, that's highly unpatriotic of you to doubt the veracity of Uncle Scam!

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  10. Hey, this blog won't let me reply to your reply.

    well, you know me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FAE ~
      Don't take it personally. This blog disobeys me too, and I'm "supposedly" its master.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  11. I would take the quiz if I wasn't feeling so disappointed with Susan Dey right now. The woman clearly doesn't know what she's missing. Instead of lip-synching the chorus of "I Think I Love You" to you, she's probably off with some Mensa wannabe. There are too many priceless quotes to mention! Glad you're using your Mensa-Donkey powers for good!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Thanks for the support, JULIE!

      Yeah, now that I know how dumb Susan is, I wouldn't want her anyway,

      (Damn, these grapes are sour!)

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  12. Hey, wait! I'm not dumb...

    Oh, Susan Dey. Never mind.

    I've been a smart ass a lot longer than you, but I do believe you have zoomed past me to a higher level of smart assiness. Beginning with that Mensa donkey designation. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, SUSKI.

      I'm not sure if I should be proud or apologetic.

      Well, one does what one can with what one has.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  13. I ran across your blog as the result of a google search of Steve Miller's brother Jim and had to click around your blog to see what-up with Stephen...So dude, you still alive?...Just wondering...you can suck a person in for a few, but tend to drone a bit, nothing wrong with that, my attention span is short...Hope all is well with you, and hope you have found the peace and happiness you've been seeking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ANONYMOUS #289 ~
      No problem, Brother. My attention span is also rather shor---

      Hmmm... What was I saying?

      Well, anyway... Thanks much for the good wishes. Sadly, however, I must report that I haven't come even remotely close to finding the peace and happiness I've been seeki---

      Sorry. It seems my mind (what's left of it) wandered off again.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Undergrou---

      Delete

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