THE TRUTH ABOUT TRUTH:

All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.



Friday, May 6, 2011

O, WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE . . .

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[From the STMcC archive; written on March 29, 2007.]






















It was my own fault, really; I had misread the label. I deliberately antagonized the neighbor’s Pit Bull, and then when that dog lunged at me, I laughed and sprayed him fully in the face, expecting his choppers to instantly dematerialize. It wasn’t until a month later, when the bandages were finally removed from my eyes (head, neck, chest, arms, and legs), that I saw this MANE ‘N TAIL product is a “Detangler”, not a Defangler! (Even so, I’ve deducted one letter from its grade only because I think that word should be printed more boldly on the label; it really isn’t clear enough if you glance at the bottle too quickly.)

But I’ll admit, once I figured out what this MANE ‘N TAIL Detangler is really designed to do and began using it as it was intended, I found that it does work exactly as advertised. It must have about 101 uses - I’ve tried it in several different capacities and it has truly worked well, and quickly too!

A few months ago, I wound up with a knot in my shoelaces (I’m old-fashioned and haven’t switched over to those newfangled velcro doohickeys yet), but just one quick spritzing and those laces practically detangled themselves. I was doing a little knitting recently (don’t tell anyone, because I’m not as big as Rosie Greer and they’ll laugh at me) when my yarn got all jumbled up. Well, I gave it a good spraying and I was back to knitting in a matter of minutes. Amazing stuffs! It’s no wonder that MANE ‘N TAIL Detangler is used and endorsed by celebrities: it works! Bob Dylan used it in 1974 when he was “Tangled Up In Blue”, and from what I understand, Bettie Page wouldn’t leave home without it.

And the MANE ‘N TAIL Detangler doesn’t just detangle the color Blue or common rope-like things; it works just as well on ANY kind of tangled mess. Heck, a year ago about this time, I was having all kinds of trouble with the Internal Revenue Service over my tax return. Uncle Sam was insisting that I owed him more of my money than I had figured. (Personally, I didn’t feel that I had gotten what I paid for to begin with.)

So, in refiguring my taxes, I gave the form a good soaking with the MANE ‘N TAIL Detangler just before mailing the tax form for a second time, and wouldn’t ya know it? Three weeks later, I received a tax refund check in the mail from Uncle Sam, WITH an apology for all the pain and suffering that he had caused me, and a promise that he would return to truth, justice, and the American Way in the very near future! Now, that’s what I call getting positive results from a product that more than delivers on its promises. (Maybe we ought to drench Washington D.C. in the stuff using crop-dusting planes, eh?)

The MANE ‘N TAIL Detangler works equally well on detangling personal relationships: I sprayed it on a troublesome woman once and she and her paternity suit disappeared in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, I learned that later the kid in question was drafted by the Los Angeles Dodgers and signed to a six and a half million dollar contract. Oh well, ya win some, ya lose some. (I’m an Old School, ponytail-free guy, so I couldn’t really say, but according to my Sister, this stuff can detangle long hair, too. Just an added bonus from a really versatile product.)

However, I can tell you from firsthand experience that the MANE ‘N TAIL Detangler works well at the breakfast table, too. Never again will some restaurant charge you for fresh-squeezed orange juice but secretly slip you a glass of cheap ‘Tang’ instead. One little blast of Detangler on the liquid’s surface and, if it’s 'Tang' in that glass, faster than you can say “The moon landing was filmed on a soundstage”, it will turn into clear water.

Now, they’ll REALLY have something special if those nice folks at MANE ‘N TAIL can just come up with a product that will then turn that “detangled” water into wine.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

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