THE TRUTH ABOUT TRUTH:

All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.



Thursday, August 2, 2012

BEFORE YOU MOVE TO ARIZONA . . .

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Before you move to Arizona, read this blog bit once and then think twice.
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The following joke, which I made up years ago, pretty much tells the whole story:
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When I moved to Arizona the state’s collective I.Q. doubled.
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To begin with, bear in mind that only an idiot would move here, so I’m hardly boasting about my I.Q. with that joke.



Arizona – or “Airheadzona” as I call it – has often been the target of my un-Christian remarks about slow thinking, slow moving maroons. I have often been critical of everything Arizona, and Here, Here, Here, and Here is just a small sample of my expressed alarm regarding the stupidity of people in what must surely be one of the dumbest states in the union.
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Now some of y’all probably thought it was just me being overly impatient with these Airheadzonans, but the video below proves that it’s not just me. The bloke who posted this video at YouTube seems to have simply reached the end of his patience with Airheadzona drivers on a Phoenix phreeway. He wrote:

It rained today QUITE heavily for only a matter of moments but the damage that it did was inconceivable... widespread shit-tardism and dumb-assedness ran rampant in the valley from drop number one...

After watching his video, I posted a comment for him at YouTube:

Ha! Oh, dude, you had me howling with laughter. My Brother and I are constantly complaining about the retardation of "Airheadzonans". How many times have you had to honk at the first car in the left turn lane to alert the driver that the green-friggin'-arrow is lit?! Most Airheadzonans couldn't beat a dead dog lying by the side of the road in an I.Q. contest!

Be forewarned that this driver’s commentary is (understandably) about 95% profanity, but it’s also about 95% funny so, to me, the profanity is balanced by the entertainment factor:

The Arizona rain causes retardation and stupidity.

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But it’s not just on the roads that we see clear indications of Arizona’s airheadism; the stupidty pervades the entire state in every conceivable aspect of life. Below is something I wrote in SEX, TATTOOS & VIOLENCE R US - #7 :
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Turning briefly to The Sports Section . . .
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LOCAL YOKELS 1 – WORLD SERIES 0
I noticed in the Wednesday, October 27th edition of ‘The Airheadzona Repugnant’, under the category “Today On Radio” it said: “MLB: World Series (Game 1) – Rangers at Giants, joined in progress, 6 p.m., 620 AM”
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620 AM is KTAR, a local Sports Talk radio station and an ESPN affiliate. Weekdays from 2 to 6 is the sports talk program of Dumbo And Ass... er, I mean, Gambo And Ash. Phoenix is just a wide spot in the desert pretending to be cosmopolitan and here our Airheadzona radio programmers evidently think it’s more important to carry Gambo And Ash yakking about sports in general than it is to carry Game 1 of the World Series from the very first pitch. KTAR won’t turn their attention to The World Series until six o’clock, when the game is already in the third inning and the score is Rangers 2, Giants 0. Only in Airheadzona, I tell ya!
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This was the only radio station in the Phoenix area carrying the World Series and the station gave precedence to two local yokels yakking until sometime in the third inning of 
Game One.
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If you’re thinking about moving to Airheadzona, do yourself a favor: DON’T!
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Well, today I want to tell you a true story of Arizona airheadism designed to keep you in . . .  ANXIETY!
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All of the following is absolutely true, and it was experienced by a friend of mine who related all the details to me late last year. I took notes for this blog bit that I knew I’d eventually have to write. I want it understood, however, that the person whom I will call “Mister B” is not anyone who has ever read or posted a comment on my blog, but here is his true story of Airheadzona airheadism:
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In August of 1989, Mister B was arrested for driving while intoxicated (DUI). As a result, his driver’s license was suspended for 90 days; he was required to attend 10 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and Traffic School; and he paid over $500. for Alcohol Screening (whatever that is) and for court fees. His driver’s license was reinstated after the 90 day suspension.
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In October of the year 2000, Mister B was again arrested for DUI – 11 years after his first conviction for the same offense. This time, his driver’s license was suspended for 90 days; he had to attend 30 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings; he also again paid over $500. for Alcohol Screening and court fees, plus it cost him $1,500 for a lawyer, and he was required to spend 5 days in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Tent City jail.
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In February, 2001, when Mister B presented himself to the law enforcement authorities for his Tent City incarceration, he discovered that they had his name recorded incorrectly. Also, he was denied the right to bring a jacket in with him because he was told that he’d be wearing prison stripes and have a jacket assigned to him.
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When Mr. B discovered that he was not in fact put in stripes and had NO jacket assigned to him, he called his parents and asked them to bring him a jacket because he was freezing in the February desert night. When his parents brought a jacket to the law enforcement folks, they were told that Mr. B was not available to receive it because he was not at the facility, having been transferred due to an off-premises work furlough. This was either a deliberate lie or another instance of Airheadzona airheadism, because Mr. B was at the Tent City jail the entire time, and freezing his keister off at night.
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After Mr. B was released from Sheriff Joe’s Tent City jail, and after the 90 day suspension of his driver’s license expired, he went to Airheadzona’s Motor Vehicle Division (MVD) to reapply for a driver’s license. He told the state government employee there that according to the judge who convicted him, he was required to have an Intoxalock installed on his car for a period of one year. This is a lock that will not permit a car to be started until the driver has blown into an alcohol/blood content evaluation device and proven his sobriety. The representative at the MVD told Mr. B that there was no notation of that requirement on their paperwork from the court and therefore he should just disregard it. The MVD assigned Mr. B a new driver’s license on February 9, 2001.
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As a result of his punishment and due to some wising up, Mr. B quit drinking altogether, and to this day he has not had so much as a single sip of beer since the day he was arrested for his second DUI – that’s nearly 12 years without a drink. (Personally, just the thought of 12 straight years of total sobriety makes me feel faint.)
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[It’s an Airheadzona thang; you wouldn’t understand.]
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On June 21, 2011, nearly eleven years after Mr. B was released from Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Tent City jail and had his driver’s license reinstated, he suddenly received in the mail a notification from the Arizona court that he was not in compliance with the Intoxalock requirement. Yes, you read that correctly! Eleven years after his release, and after 11 years of living a teetotaler’s life, Mr. B was in trouble because he’d not had an Intoxalock installed on his car 11 years earlier when the MVD told him to disregard it because the court had not mentioned it on his paperwork. (Surely there must be a statute of limitations on a matter like this!)
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Mr. B tried to clear the issue up but got an aggravating runaround, being bounced back and forth from the court to the MVD and from the MVD to the court, several times.
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He filed for a hearing on the matter with the Airheadzona Department Of Transportation (ADOT) and was told he would be notified by mail of a date and time for the hearing. In the meantime he was advised to get an Intoxalock device put on his vehicle because if he was pulled over by the police for any reason, their records would indicate that he was noncompliant with the order and he would probably be arrested.
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So Mr. B had the Intoxalock installed on his car, at a rental charge of $90.86 for the first month and $81. per month thereafter, to be automatically deducted from his checking account. He had also been told that he needed to have his driver’s license updated to indicate that he was required to have an Intoxalock on his vehicle. When he went to apply for the updated driver’s license, he was informed that he could not have that license assigned to him as long as there was a pending hearing with ADOT.
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When Mr. B faxed a request to cancel the ADOT hearing so he could get the new “Intoxalock Driver’s License” he learned that his older license had been suspended, so had he been pulled over, he would have been arrested, Intoxalock or not.
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After countless phone calls made, messages left and ignored, and phone disconnections (which Mr. B began to suspect were deliberate) he did eventually receive a call saying that his hearing cancellation request had been received so he could get the Intoxalock license. After which he had to reapply for a hearing.
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One of the damnable things about an Intoxalock is that every 15 to 20 minutes, while the car is being driven, a beeping alarm goes off and the driver is required to punch in a code that indicates he’s still present and operating the vehicle in a sober manner. So, every single day Mr. B was being aggravated by this beeping that forced him to pull over and address it.
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While waiting to be informed of his date and time for the rescheduled hearing, Mr. B blew an unacceptable reading into his Intoxalock and it was noted by the authorities. He had previously been informed that certain types of food (including yogurt and stale bakery items) recently eaten might cause the Intoxalock to register a faulty “intoxicated” reading. And wouldn’t you know it, sure enough that’s what happened one day after Mr. B had eaten a sandwich for lunch which had apparently been made with bread that wasn’t quite fresh enough.
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Due to the misreading, Mr. B had to take his Intoxalock into an Arizona state agency to have it recalibrated, at a cost to him of $97. While he was having the recalibration work done, he was informed by a state employee at the site that according to their records, his Intoxalock had been disconnected for five and a half hours on 7/14/2011 and that this was a serious violation that would be reported to the court. Mr. B told them that it had been disconnected on that date because he’d taken the car into an auto mechanic to repair an overheating problem. Furthermore, he told them that he had reported the need to disconnect the device beforehand to Arizona Mobile Access Technologies (AZMAT), as required.
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After much investigation, Mr. B was found to have told the truth because someone finally did manage to locate a record of his having reported the need to disconnect the Intoxalock for car repair work on that date. Unfortunately, he also learned that if his contention that after 11 years he shouldn’t be required to use an Intoxalock was not accepted by the judge at his future hearing, all of this time spent enduring the cost and inconvenience of the Intoxalock PRIOR to the hearing would NOT be counted against his one-year order to use the device!
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Finally, on August 10th, Mr. B received notification that he had a telephone hearing scheduled for Sept. 8th. On that date, he discussed the situation with a female judge via telephone, stating his case, laying out all of the facts for the judge to consider and reminding her that every two years for eleven years, the Arizona MVD allowed him to re-register his vehicle as required by law, and never once made an issue about the lack of an Intoxalock. The judge said she would make her decision in 3 to 5 working days and Mr. B would be notified of it. Again, that was Sept. 8th.
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On Sept. 23rd, Mr. B had still not heard a peep from the court about the judgment. My guess is that the female judge was exercising her prerogative to change her mind... over and over and over again. (“The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds.” ~Mark Twain, attributed)
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At this point, Mr. B contacted the lawyer who had represented him during his second DUI arrest back in Oct. of 2000. This, incidentally, is the exact thing I had told him he should do at the very beginning of this Airheadzona fiasco and travesty of justice, but does anyone listen to me? The lawyer told Mr. B to fax all of the pertinent paperwork to his office.
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On Sept. 29th, Mr. B’s lawyer contacted someone who apparently had much more authority than did the judge in this case, because on Oct. 1st, Mr. B received notification that the action against him was being terminated. That was certainly good news, and what made it even better is that the lawyer did not charge Mr. B anything for his service.
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However, the Airheadzona fiasco wasn’t quite over yet for Mr. B. Taking his car in to have the Intoxalock removed, he was at first told that they had not been notified that he was allowed to have it removed. After another big runaround, the bureaucrats found that Mr. B was correct but, regardless, he had to pay a $200. fee for early termination of the one-year lease he had on the Intoxalock device. He paid it. And you remember the $81.00 monthly rental fee that was being automatically deducted from his checking account? Well, you guessed it! For two months after the removal of the Intoxalock, that money was still being deducted from Mr. B’s account and each time he had to make numerous phone calls, speaking with various people in order to get that money credited back into his account.
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In money, this whole Airheadzona episode cost Mr. B over $540. But what about his time? What about all the hassles ‘n’ headaches? What about all the pulling over to the side of the road every day for months to punch a code into the beeping Intoxalock and breathe into it? Sorry, Bub, but that’s just the price you pay for living amongst airheads in Airheadzona.
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As of this date, everything seems to have finally been resolved, but I told Mr. B that he shouldn’t be surprised if eleven years from now he hears from the state again, telling him that he is in violation of some court order. There really is no end to the hell in Hell, Airheadzona (a.k.a. Phoenix, Arizona).
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And now, dear reader, you have some idea why I consider my move to Arizona to have been the biggest mistake of my nearly 53-year-long life. In almost every imaginable way, Airheadzona is like Hell, with the daytime and nighttime temperatures being just the most obvious comparison. 
Oh, but... it’s a dry heat.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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19 comments:

  1. Sir,
    If you think Airheadzona'w citizen are in fact the dumbest people on earth, than you haven't been in Portland Oregon. It rains 300 days a year here. Yes, and people STILL get freaked out when it stops for say a week. Than like always it comes back, and people act like they haven't seen it before. What is even more funny is when it snows. People are afraid to go to work. I drive 30 miles to work going 20 mph and someone living three blocks from the hospital is scared to leave their home. I kid you not. Portland ORegon is STUPIDITY 101.

    Br'er Marc

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  2. BR'ER MARC ~
    Ha! I suppose most reasonably intelligent people think the place they live holds the largest percentage of dumb people anywhere.

    But here's the really funny, ironic thing: I could interview 100 Airheadzonans and ask them what they think of Airheadzona drivers, and all 100 would tell me that Airheadzona drivers STINK!

    So then the question becomes, who are all the bad Airheadzona drivers? If 100 out of 100 drivers are pointing fingers, who the hell are the guilty parties?

    I have been in Oregon, but not in Portland. And I don't doubt what you say in the least, BUT... C'mon, man! You saw this guy's video. You're not going to tell me that a little puddle of water like that in the slowest lane of a Portland freeway would cause a bumper-to-bumper backup like you see in this dude's video, are you?

    And, of course, it's not just a traffic issue. As I said in this blog bit, there's a unique brand of mental retardation that seems to infect every aspect of life in "Airheadzona", from roads to sports to politics to... you name it!

    In L.A., the carpool lanes on the freeway on-ramps, which allowed vehicles to enter the highway without stopping at a signal, were on the far left (i.e., "the fast lane"). Here in Phoenix, the carpool lane on freeway on-ramps is on the right! Think about it... how friggin' stooopid is THAT?! Are they not just BEGGING for accidents?

    I swear, bro, the vast majority of Airheadzonan's couldn't find their butts with two hands and a flashlight! The stupidity here is almost awe-inspiring.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  3. Well, commander! Another spine-tingling tale from your amazing files! Heh, heh. That was indeed a tale of hair-raising stupidity. I kept thinking: "why didn't he just move to another state?"

    At one time, I had toyed with the idea of moving to AZ, but fortunately it never materialized. But, I am with Br'er Marc: the drivers in the Northwest are every bit as stupid or more. It just manifests itself in different ways.

    The one that gets me the most is their "politeness." You might think "but being polite is good; we have too many rude drivers in our state." No, you don't. Rude drivers actually TRAVEL. They have a goal of getting somewhere. These lethargic morons up here apparently have nowhere to go, probably because "I'm ok and you're ok." They go 55 in the fast lane (and, as Johnny Carson said: "guns don't kill people. Driving 55 in the fast lane kills people!). They wear sandals and have pony-tails, and - when not sitting in trees - they drive Toyota Prius-es, the #1 seller in WA. They feel they are helping us all by clogging up traffic to save gas. At a 4-way stop, they don't go when it is their turn, politely waving through another driver to show how "nice" they are (and pissing off the normal drivers waiting their turn BEHIND them.)

    Five times a year I witness some witless nincompoop STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF A STREET with flowing traffic to let someone in from a driveway. You don't do that! Everyone in the traffic flow has to slam on their brakes or smash into the s***head because we were going 30 mph and expecting NO stops. If you happened to look sideways at an attractive woman (a rarity up here), then driver number one would have just caused a pileup. And the innocent driver in back (unless he was driving a Prius - then he'd deserve it) would be blamed. Washington drivers are simply terrible.

    Keep in mind that I have driven in 42 states. California drivers are actually the best, in my opinion. They move fast and think quickly, reacting and paying attention because they have a purpose.

    No, I simply do NOT believe Airheadzona drivers are the worst. In the US, at least, Pacific Northwest drivers take the prize.

    I may sound like a cheeky young blighter, but "for my money, the only amazing thing about your file is that every story in it is an absolute, bonified, 100% clinker."

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  4. SHEBOYGANBOY 6 ~
    Well, first thing I want to say is I'm glad you picked up on the Bob & Ray reference - but then I knew you would.

    Secondly I need to correct something I said to Br'er Marc in error. I said I'd driven in Washington but not in Portland. My memory failed me there, because I have never been in Washington state; I was actually thinking Oregon. Therefore I can't speak to the ineptitude of Washington drivers.

    Maybe the Washingtonians are worse than the Airheadzonans, I don't know. But I have never actually said that Airheadzonans are the very worst. In the course of my many extensive road trips over the years, I came to the conclusion that the very worst drivers are found in Utah, and I suspected perhaps that's a Mormon thang.

    I would also rate New Mexico drivers perhaps second worst, and then Airheadzonans third... unless Washington drivers are really worse.

    I have never really noticed this aggravating trait in Phoenix drivers, but while I was living in Prescott, Airheadzona, the Prescottonians routinely did something that infuriated me. I'm not sure if this should be categorized under your "Politeness Phenomenon" or under "Plain Stupidity" but...

    As I was about three-quarters of a block away from reaching a four-way stop or three-way T intersection, one driver would reach his stop sign. And instead of making his turn or driving through the intersection - which he/she could have done 3 or 4 times before I ever even reached my stop sign, he/she would just sit there at their stop sign and wait and wait and wait until I reached my stop sign and came to a stop. Only then would the other driver enter the intersection.

    So now I have to wait for him/her to clear the intersection before I can enter it myself. After about the fifth time I encountered that act of stupidity, I made myself a new rule which I adhered to thereafter: When I finally reached my own stop sign, rather than stopping, I would do (what in California was known as...) "a California Stop". Meaning I'd just tap my breaks lightly, momentarily at the stop sign to slow my speed, and then just roll right through the intersection.

    So now, instead of me waiting for the other driver to do his thing, he was waiting for me to clear the intersection before he/she could enter it. My outlook was: You had 15 or more seconds to go before I got there; if you don't want to go, I WILL!

    I doubt any of those Airheadzona drivers ever learned a lesson from that experience, but at least it kept me from being inconvenienced and delayed.

    Here in Phoenix though, the majority of the people behind the wheel drive as slow as they think. I'm constantly having to blow by some Airheadzonan who's just creeping along in front of me much slower than the speed limit, only to look over as I pass and find it's some 18 to 25 year old dude. I'm thinking: I'm an old man and I'm still driving faster than you. You should be ashamed of yourself! Why, when I was your age...!

    >> . . . and, as Johnny Carson said: "guns don't kill people. Driving 55 in the fast lane kills people!"

    Ha! Never heard that one before.

    >> . . . California drivers are actually the best, in my opinion. They move fast and think quickly

    I agree with that. Although growing up in L.A., certainly I encountered plenty of bozos on the road. But because L.A. had lousy public transportation (no subways and a notoriously bad bus system), just about everyone gets their driver's license as soon as they turn 16, and with all that heavy traffic and that complex freeway system, one learns how to drive well and react quickly while still young and relatively inexperienced behind the wheel.

    I'll concede that Airheadzonans might not actually be the very worst drivers in the country, but overall - taking all aspects of life into consideration - Airheadzona has got to be the dumbest of the dumb.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  5. Talk about a good story of "Murphy's Law"! I kinda like my state, Alabama, though it can have it's moments, like when it snows! This guy from Chicago was still laughing when he hung up after I told him I was the only one, so far, to make it to work because of and 1/8 inch of snow. But he's got to remember, we don't have all that equipment Chicago has for clearing the snow. lol

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  6. The DUI story is indeed a harrowing one, but I'm sure there are plenty of bureaucratic snafus like that in every state. I think it makes more sense to label government as stupid than it does to generalize a complete population. Also, there are stupid people everywhere.

    Arizona is a beautiful state, but I assure you that I doubt whether I'd ever move there--especially Phoenix or Tuscon. The latter has to be among the worst cities I've driven through. The hot summers do it for me. I would not want to deal with that heat.

    California is pretty bad too if you want to label populations for stupidity and government for sheer idiocy.

    Bottom line is that I don't know of any paradise here on Earth. I just try to make the best of my circumstances and hope I don't run into any big personal hassles.

    Did you get my email?


    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

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  7. Stephen,
    I've seen people in Portland stop in the middle of the freeway to answer their cell phone. Not slow down, STOP!!! I've seen them slow down to a snails pace for puddles much smaller than that. Oh, and if someone pulls over on the freeway (for I don't know a drink of water) you get a traffic jam because everyone does the bottle neck thing just to see if they should pull over too. I've SAT in traffic for over three hours (in a normally 15 minute drive) between Portland and Vancouver Washington just cause some guy pulled over on the side of the road (the shoulder of the road, off the freeway mind you) and was talking on his phone. Everyone else came to a snails pace to look. After you passed him it was free sailing.

    Oh and don't get me started with the bikers and power walkers. Portland has put in state of the art bike paths in a place it rains 300 days a year. Portlanders embrace their bikes so much they ride them in flocks. You can literally be going 15 to 20 MPH down a normally 45 MPH highway due to nothing else than having to deal with "men on bikes." Not to mention that the bike people never EVER obey the traffic laws. They are constantly running stop signs going against traffic in the middle of the road, and getting hit by the local street car system which Portland calls "light rail."

    Not to rub it in but there is but one more hazard to deal with. The dreaded street walker. Yes, all pedestrians in Portland seem to forget that you have to look both ways to cross the road. They don't look, they do a sharp 90 degree turn from the side walk into the street. They don't actually do it at proper intersections. No they do it in between, right in front of you, while your going 40 MPH going down Tualatin Valley Highway. If you take the strip in Las Vegas with all the drunk people walking in Vegas and multiply it by two you get the idea.

    This is not something I came up with. I have friends who have transplanted from Detriot, Miami, and San Diego that have brought this to my attention. I have had family who live in Minnesota comment on it when they visit. My friend from Miami stated, "None of these people would live one day in Miami."

    To further state my case I have two nursing friends who moved to Arizona to get their first nursing jobs (one of which still lives their). In speaking with them over the past five years Portland still wins for dumbest drivers, pedestrians and bicyclists.

    A physician was once asked if he was afraid to ride his bike to work everyday in Portland. His response, "Nah, I only get hit on average once a year."

    Take Care Brother,
    Marc

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stephen,
    To follow up, Seattle actually makes Portland look like a well organized machine. Seattle is so ass backwards, it is usually near the top of worst cities to drive in. Now, put the same Portland mind set I told you about prior and transplant it into Seattle. After all Portland follows Seattle like a kid brother follows the older brother he idolizes.

    Marc

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  9. Stephen-

    While I sympatyhize with Mr. B and agree with your initial premise, I am sad to say that the state employee-caused fiasco does not count as evidence in the matter.

    Having dealt with state employees in PA, NJ and CT (as well as state insurance regulators in more than 30 other states), I can tell you that my experience is that they are all maroons.

    Maybe they are all FROM Airhead-zona!

    However, the video cracked me up mightily. If I had a YT account I'd leave a comment,too-'cause you have not lived until you've seen Airhead-zonies rubberneck to watch the frigging guys trimming the trees on the side of the highway.

    That's right folks-people out here find LANDSCAPING so fascinating they will hold up traffic to catch a glimpse!

    A fellow AZ inmate

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  10. Ahh, too many comments all at once to give each one the response it richly deserves, but here's just a nutshell response from me and Jim Beam:

    JUDY:
    Great to see you here; it's been a long time since you've made an appearance at F-FFF. Yes, you're right, Mr. B's horror story is pretty much an ideal example of 'Murphy's Law' - anything that COULD go wrong, DID go wrong.

    And 1/8 inch of snow kept the folks home? Sheesh! I dealt with worse than that plenty of times while living in Prescott, AZ. and I am a Southern California wimp, born and raised.

    ARLEE:
    Yeah, there are plenty of similar bureaucratic horror stories in every state. In one blog bit I can't PROVE that Airheadzona is the worst, I just expect y'all to take my word for it.

    As I said in an earlier comment to Sheboyganboy 6, I think the worst drivers I've encountered in my travels have been in Utah. But... the worst driving conditions might have been just outside of Boston. My friend Pooh and I were on a road trip and we drove into Boston at a day and time when the roads should have been clear sailing, and it was just a total nightmare!

    Just one mo' reason for me to hate Massachusetts with a rage-blinding disgust.


    BR'ER MARC:
    Dude, you had me laughing out loud! All I can say is: YOU WIN!


    DISCDUDE:
    Yeah, man, I know bureaucrats are dumb-ass bureaucrats everywhere. If Uncle Sam or one of the fifty States signs your paycheck, odds are you couldn't last a week in the private sector. I get that.

    But, Airheadzona, man! Please tell me it CAN'T get any dumber than this. Even if it can, please tell me it can't!

    By the way, you don't need a YT account to leave comments on a YT video. Click the URL link and it will take you to the bloke's YT video where you can leave a comment.

    And incidentally, "Mr. B" is Brian. Catch him in his little golf-cart some morning in the parking lot and he will confirm all I posted here.

    Thanks, y'all, for the comments!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  11. "Look now I can't drive either.' Ha, ha, ha. Funniest line in the video

    So glad I waited to comment and didn't disagree with you. Now I can AGREE. I've been in all but 8 of the lower 48 states and the people in Utah are undeniably the worst drivers anywhere.

    As to bureaucrats, well they seem to be universally dumber than dumb. If it makes any sense at all, they want no part in it. Logical thinking and problem solving are obviously factors that would contribute to a person NOT being hired by government.

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  12. After reading Mr. B's excellent adventure, I will never drink and drive in AZ. Hmmm, idiot bureaucrats or evil geniuses? I bet they're all card-carrying CFR members.

    BTW, living in MA, I have to live with rage-blinding disgust every day. Once in a while I escape to Hawaii where tourists run their rental cars off the road watching the whales.

    SigToo

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  13. Dang! This blog bit elicited more comments than I had anticipated. Never imagined this one would be this popular. My thanks to all.

    FARAWAYEYES:
    Your comment got me curious to see how many of the lower 48 states I've been in, so I got out my trusty ol' road atlas. I've been in all but 6. Well, technically, I have been in Minnesota, however, I saw nuttin' but the airport during a stop-over, so I didn't include that one. I counted only the ones where I was on a road.

    And, yeah, there must be something about Mormonism that messes with a person's ability to operate a motor vehicle. Maybe they'd do better with horse-drawn wagons like Brigham Young. (But some of that stuffs Br'er Marc was sayin' makes me wonder if we might not have a new champion in this dubious honor.)


    SIG-TOO:
    "Mr. B's Excellent Adventure"... HA! And "idiot bureaucrats or evil geniuses?" - that's a good question. As I said in the blog bit, at one point Mr. B became suspicious that over and over again he was being deliberately disconnected while on the phone with some bureaucrat. And I gotta tell ya, Mr. B is not really the paranoid type.

    >> . . . BTW, living in MA, I have to live with rage-blinding disgust every day.

    Ah, I had no idea you were living in MA. Yeah, that must be tough. Seriously! I don't think I could live in San FranCrisco or Boston without killing someone. And it's really a shame, too, because I love the way Boston looks and I eat up all that Revolutionary War era history there. But... Ugh!

    OK, quick personal story for ya: I've been to MA. a couple times. The first time was decades ago with my buddy Pooh. We'd been on the road for hours and stopped at some little restaurant somewhere just outside of Boston.

    I asked the waitress to bring me a "boilermaker" (a shot of whiskey and a bottle of beer). She says to me in that thick Massachusetts accent, "I can only bring you one or the other; we expect people to drink like gentlemen here."

    I couldn't believe my ears! Some old bat in Liberalland was trying to teach me right and wrong? So I said, "May I please have a shot of bourbon?" When she brought it to the table, I downed it immediately and then said, "Ma'am, I'd now like to order a beer, please."

    Sheesh! That was my very first encounter with a Bostonian, and my opinion of them only went south from there.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  14. Good news...non-preachin' boilermaker servin' waitresses do exist here now...but they're all Democrats.

    Reminds me of Jack Nicholson ordering a sandwich in Five Easy Pieces.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtfNE4z6a8

    ReplyDelete
  15. SIG-TOO ~
    So the land of same-sex marriages now serves boilermakers, eh? Wow! They really ARE "progressive". Ha!

    That 'Five Easy Pieces' scene is a classic, and I can definitely understand why you see a kind of similarity.

    In fact, I was aware of that Nicholson scene prior to my first trip to Boston, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was unconsciously aping it.

    You know, my doctor had prescribed to me 3 boilermakers an hour to remedy my condition (which was an acute case of 'sobriety tremens'), and that waitress probably could have been in a lot of trouble for withholding medication from me and endangering my life.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
  16. Can't get the link to work on my phone, but I'm rolling on the floor, just thinking about that Nicholson bit in 'Five Easy Pieces'. Just last week someone else brought that up. Funny stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  17. FAE ~
    Here ya go… I converted SigToo’s URL into an actual link:

    FIVE EASY PIECES scene.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is hilarious. I loved that video. It reminds me of visiting the in-laws in Las Vegas. Last time I went there it rained, maybe 1 inch total, and people were just beside themselves trying to figure out how to endure the 1 inch torrent of water. We actually passed a car going 15 mph because they thought they might hydroplane. At 15 mph.

    Long story short, don't go to Vegas either. You think Arizona is bad? Vegas is just as dumb. Except everything costs an arm and a leg, but all the idiots staying there are too distracted by the shiny lights to notice.

    ReplyDelete
  19. >>...everything costs an arm and a leg, but all the idiots staying there are too distracted by the shiny lights to notice.

    Ooh! Shiny lights?
    I'm packing my bags already.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete

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