MONDAY MEMES ON MONDAY (6)

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Below are some memes I found and liked, plus one that I made... after stealing the idea from another guy. (Heck, at least I'm an honest thief.)
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You can click on any of these images for a larger view. Or, to put it another way: To make these pictures bigger, click on 'em. Got 'er now?
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And this last one was created by me (aka D-FensDogG) after a gentleman named "Matthew W" suggested it at the website [link> Fellowship Of The Minds.
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meme stolen by D-FensDogG
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT...

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So, I was at Great Basin Brewing Company the other day...
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No, that goober in shorts ain't me!

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And these two guys come in and sit just to the left of me at the bar. The moment they entered the front door I had one thought: Gay, gay. [*Alright, maybe that's technically two thoughts. So, sue me, Sue!*]
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Glancing at the guy to my immediate left, I had a thought: His biceps are smaller than his forearms, and he's wearing a short-sleeved checkered shirt. Yeah, I guessed he was gay, and this proves it! [*Alright, so maybe that's technically more than "a thought". You're ALREADY suing me!]
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I sent out a text to my brother, Nappy, and two friends, Trainyard Julio and Nitro Wilbury, and I wrote:

FUN FACT: Any man whose forearms are as large or larger than his biceps is certifiably homosexual. And that's "clocked".

Brother Nappy texted back:

You sayin' Popeye is light on his feet?

Me: The truth is finally "OUT" about Popeye!

Nappy: So, Olive Oyl was a front all those years?

Me: Olive Oyl was just Popeye's "beard".

Nappy: Spinach makes you gay?

Me: What other conclusion could one come to? No wonder Michael Obama wanted to dictate what school children could eat for lunch!

Nappy: Just like Columbo, you've pieced it all together.

Meanwhile, Nitro Wilbury had asked me...

Nitro: And, where do you get this information from?

Me: Seven years of professional work in Hollyweird, plus one afternoon of drinking beer at Great Basin Brewing Company.

Trainyard Julio texted this: What brought on this discovery?

Well, it was something that had occurred to me many, many years ago. Maybe while working in Hollyweird, I dunno. But it seemed to me that many of the guys I knew to be gay had biceps like sticks. However, even unathletic  heterosexual guys who'd never worked out with weights a day in their lives at least had biceps that exceeded their forearms in circumference. This is just a natural, automatic development in the maturing of males.

Of course, there are some other telltale signs one can look for.

Not every guy who wears one of these...
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...is gay. But there's a good chance of it.

And not every guy who wears one of these...
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...is gay. But there's a good chance of it.

And not every guy who wears a short-sleeved checkered shirt is gay. But there's a good chance of it.
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That shirt above is nearly identical to the one the guy sitting to the left of me at Great Basin Brewing Company was wearing. Short-sleeved checkered shirts are very Gooberville, Iowa; very Bumphuq, Idaho. Checkered shirts are manly but ONLY when they are long-sleeved. You can roll the long sleeves up if you want, but they gotta be there!

And, lastly, if a guy owns a dog like this...
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...he is most definitely gayer'n gay! (Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just sayin'.)
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Let's raise our glasses in this effeminate, metrosexual era and toast the Confident Heterosexuals... wherever they went off to:
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"May your biceps always exceed your forearms!"
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZeS1b4QSVk

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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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YOU KNOW WHAT PANCHO SAYS...

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In Memory Of...

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KELLY "ANDY" ANDERSON

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THE HOUSE AT POOH CORNER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G5x3fpfpFI

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PANCHO AND LEFTY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT9NSmZFE_Q

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The Sun yawned and thought about calling it a day
Kelly and I sat at the entrance to his garage on gasoline cans
His old truck looked beautiful, parked with the last of the sun’s rays
Glinting brightly on the dings and dents
And the cavity where an engine belonged.

I loved Kelly and his truck and I loved myself
And the blood in my veins, the heart in my chest, pumping
The beer in our bottles dwindled, just liquid sand in an hourglass
A lovely moment
A short reprieve
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy

"You know what Merle Haggard says..."
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ANDY'S  ALLEY  IN  DOGTOWN

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"This world" is a hard place to be,
and 2029 can't come too soon for me.
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~ Lefty
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WHEN A FART BACKFIRES ON YOU

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Maybe six weeks ago, I had to go to my local Home Depot for something. No, I'm not one of those "Hardware Store Groupies" who just like to hang out and look at all the tools. I really did need something!
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At the end of the driveway leading up to the Home Depot parking lot was a young "Fake Homeless Guy". He had the usual little cardboard sign lettered with some "fake sob story" about how he was down on his luck and needed us to give him some of the money we'd worked for. You know the gig. And about sixty yards behind him, Home Depot had placed a large sign saying, "Now Hiring. Help Wanted."
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Yesterday, I rode my bicycle up to the grocery store, which just happens to be on the same street as the Home Depot, only a block South of it. I've been a vegetarian since two or three days after Thanksgiving in 1985, and I had ridden my bike to the store to get a package of Boca Burgers:
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Well, standing at the end of the driveway leading into the parking lot was another youngish (I'd say in his mid-30s) "Fake Helpless Guy". He looked like a fat, bearded slob who hadn't missed a meal or a beer in a long time. In fact, he looked quite a bit like a bearded version of this:
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"Fake Helpless Guy" was holding in one hand a small, hand-lettered cardboard sign that read "Please help. Need gas". And just to add a touch of authenticity to the scam, in his other hand he was holding aloft one of these:
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Not surprisingly, the bleeding-heart, Socialistic Hillary-supporting drivers of some of the cars exiting the parking lot were stopping beside "Fake Helpless Guy" and giving the poor slob money.
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Well, let it NOT be said that I don't have a heart. When I see a fellow American down on his luck, stranded somewhere, I'm NOT gonna ignore him! By golly, my natural instinct is to help the underdogs.
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Therefore, in order to help a brother in need -- after I grabbed a box of Boca Burgers in the grocery -- I headed over to the canned goods aisle of the store and I purchased for him a can of...
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On my way out of the parking lot, I had intended to ride my bicycle up to "Fake Helpless Guy", hand him the can and say, "This should help alleviate your insufficient gas problem".
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Unfortunately, by the time I'd checked out, "Fake Helpless Guy" had already left the area. I guess he'd "earned" enough money for one day. So... now this longtime vegetarian is stuck with a can of Pork And Beans that he can't eat.
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Sometimes a good fart can backfire on ya!
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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