Maybe six weeks ago, I had to go to my local Home Depot for something. No, I'm not one of those "Hardware Store Groupies" who just like to hang out and look at all the tools. I really did need something!
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At the end of the driveway leading up to the Home Depot parking lot was a young "Fake Homeless Guy". He had the usual little cardboard sign lettered with some "fake sob story" about how he was down on his luck and needed us to give him some of the money we'd worked for. You know the gig. And about sixty yards behind him, Home Depot had placed a large sign saying, "Now Hiring. Help Wanted."
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Yesterday, I rode my bicycle up to the grocery store, which just happens to be on the same street as the Home Depot, only a block South of it. I've been a vegetarian since two or three days after Thanksgiving in 1985, and I had ridden my bike to the store to get a package of Boca Burgers:
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Well, standing at the end of the driveway leading into the parking lot was another youngish (I'd say in his mid-30s) "Fake Helpless Guy". He looked like a fat, bearded slob who hadn't missed a meal or a beer in a long time. In fact, he looked quite a bit like a bearded version of this:
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"Fake Helpless Guy" was holding in one hand a small, hand-lettered cardboard sign that read "Please help. Need gas". And just to add a touch of authenticity to the scam, in his other hand he was holding aloft one of these:
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Not surprisingly, the bleeding-heart, Socialistic Hillary-supporting drivers of some of the cars exiting the parking lot were stopping beside "Fake Helpless Guy" and giving the poor slob money.
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Well, let it NOT be said that I don't have a heart. When I see a fellow American down on his luck, stranded somewhere, I'm NOT gonna ignore him! By golly, my natural instinct is to help the underdogs.
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Therefore, in order to help a brother in need -- after I grabbed a box of Boca Burgers in the grocery -- I headed over to the canned goods aisle of the store and I purchased for him a can of...
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On my way out of the parking lot, I had intended to ride my bicycle up to "Fake Helpless Guy", hand him the can and say, "This should help alleviate your insufficient gas problem".
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Unfortunately, by the time I'd checked out, "Fake Helpless Guy" had already left the area. I guess he'd "earned" enough money for one day. So... now this longtime vegetarian is stuck with a can of Pork And Beans that he can't eat.
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Sometimes a good fart can backfire on ya!
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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Al Bondigas here. I'm not sure if you're being serious here or yanking our chains. It would have been funny to see his expression though. What people should do is offer to go fill his gas can for him. I see some of the same people on the same corners pan handling for years. Some actually try to get a little creative with their signs these days. One guy even dares people to try to hit him with a quarter. They have props now too, like baby carriages and rent a puppies. Anyway, you had a good idea. That's my rulin.
ReplyDeleteYeah, these bums'll do anything for money... except work.
DeleteActually, I was entirely serious about this. 100% "True Fact".
I have a small, black zippered bag that attaches to the front of my bicycle's handlebars, and I put the can of Pork 'n' Beans into that bag so I'll have it with me the next time I'm biking and run across a bum with the same M.O.
~ D-FensDogG
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