THE TRUTH ABOUT TRUTH:

All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.



Sunday, February 26, 2012

SEX, TATTOOS & VIOLENCE R US - #10

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Hey, we admit it, we’re as surprised as anyone that there is a tenth installment of the ‘Sex, Tattoos & Violence R Us’ series. We were certain that the ninth episode would be the last. (Hell, for that matter, we were just as sure that the seventh and eighth episodes were the finales to this highly popular, hotly debated, controversial Internet sensation!)

Because it has been nearly a year since the last installment of ‘S. T. & V. R Us’, a reminder of what this mess is all about is probably in order:

WHAT HAS YOU GOTTEN YERSELF INTO?
“Sex, Tattoos & Violence R Us” = An absolutely unrelated, multitudinous conglomeration of subjects all addressed in a single blog bit and tied together by absolutely nuttin’ (also known as a “Hodgepodge O’Nuttin”).

LATE-BREAKING NEWS ON THE MICHAEL JACKSON STORY
We here at ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ have finally been able to confirm as fact that Pop Music superstar Michael Jackson has indeed died!

Furthermore, there are now rumors circulating that his personal doctor, Conrad Murray, is implicated in some sort of wrong-doing that may have played a part in the singer’s untimely death. Details are still sketchy in this developing story, but be assured that as soon as further information becomes available, we here at ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ will hurry it to you.

THE JURY IS STILL OUT
Our reporter on the scene informs us that the jury is still out, deliberating on the fate of O.J. Simpson, who has been charged with the killing of his wife and is being tried in the Los Angeles County Superior Court.

As soon as the jury returns with its verdict, you can be sure that ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ will bring that up-to-the-minute news to you.

‘FERRET-FACED FASCIST FRIENDS’ RATED 31% EVIL
Some months back a website called homokaasu.org had a gematriculator feature (which now seems to be defunct). Gematria has to do with affixing values to numbers in order to discern hidden meanings or indications. We here at ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ do believe - although it’s not an actual science - that there is something to gematria. This belief is based upon our studies of that Book with the (usually) black cover.

Well, back when it was still available, my girlfriend Ariel, submitted the entire text – every single blog bit - of our ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ blog for evaluation by the homokaasu gematriculator. Below is our official assessment:

http://xtremelyun-pcandunrepentant.blogspot.com/
is 31% evil, 69% good

Naturally, we were terribly embarrassed by those results, but we want to assure all of you, our faithful readers, that we repent of our past and we will make a concerted effort to elevate our level of evil in the very near future! We implore you to forgive us our goodness and give us a second chance!
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NOT GROOVY, SASQUATCH!
Ron Paul Ad - Rick Santorum a Conservative?



BITCH BEATS MOTHER!
A recently conducted, extensive nationwide poll by the 'Tattoo Institute of Tippecanoe' (T.I.T.) has indicated that today, the most commonly tattooed word on human bodies in the United States is BITCH.

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The #1 most tattooed word on American bodies during World War II was MOTHER, which in 2012, has declined to the 666th trillionth place.
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FROM THE ‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR US LATELY?’ FILE
It has come to the attention of Napoleon McCarthy, Stephen T. McCarthy and his girlfriend Ariel, that the “old-school” beer Pabst Blue Ribbon seems to have increased greatly in popularity lately, and this despite the explosion of the superior micro-brewed beer industry across this country.

Our p###y-whipped correspondent, Stephen T. McCarthy, stumbled into ‘The Recovery Room’ bar not long ago, and seeing the Pabst Blue Ribbon signs in the place, and noticing a few other hungover customers sipping from Pabst bottles, he decided to order one.

To STMcC’s taste buds (he calls them “beer buddies”), Pabst was the same ol’ cheap sh!t it’s always been. And he couldn’t help noticing the advertising on the label of the bottle:
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“Established in Milwaukee, 1844
Selected as America’s best in 1893”
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Hmmm… The first question that occurred to STMcC was:
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“How have you done in the subsequent 119 years?”
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It seems to us that if the last thing you have to boast of is something that occurred in 1893, perhaps it’s best to leave that off the label altogether.

[Incidentally, you dirty-minded readers, “p###y-whipped” stood for “party-whipped”; after all, we did say that STMcC was “hungover” when he “stumbled into ‘The Recovery Room’ bar”.]

REALLY, AMERICA?
YOU WANT 4 MO’ YEARS OF “GIRLIE-PREZ”?
In all seriousness, my Sister probably throws a baseball twice as good as one-third or half of the men in this country. (Well, she grew up with Brother Nappy and me, so whaddaya ‘spect?) But she throws a baseball about fifty times better than does the non-birth-certificate-havin’ p###y in the White House. [And, no, “p###y” did NOT stand for “party”.]

Raw Video: Obama Throws Out First Pitch



Our President and His Jeans - Obama Throws First Pitch



America, do you REALLY want two “First Ladies” in the White House for another four years?

COMPUTER GEEKS ARE PEOPLE TOO!
[...Nah, I’m Just Kidding.]
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After 13 years of working in the same building for the same huge, international company (which shall remain nameless, although it’s a name the reader would Shirley recognize), I found myself alone.
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That is to say, the company moved out of the building and into new digs, and I was left behind. One day while walking through the vacated, 4-story building, just meandering to the beat of my own drummer, I strolled into the now-empty I.T. Department (I.T. = ‘Information Technology’ – meaning, the department of computer gurus who installed, programmed, reprogrammed, and repaired all the computers at this important site for this major, mega-millions corporation).
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In the primary room formerly occupied by this company’s computer geeks, there was some junk left behind. Near the door I found a paper copy of the following graph pinned to the wall:



I really laughed! And do remember the next time your computer frigs out on you, and before you call an overpaid computer technician to your house: 98% of the time, the computer geek is going to “fix” your computer by simply “turning it off and on again”.


MAKIN’ NO WHOOPEE
The other night I rolled over in bed and whispered some sweet nuttin’s into the ear of my girlfriend, Ariel. Her reaction? She snapped, “Not tonight, Stephen, I have an airheadache!”
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Lemme tell ya, folks, when a dudeguy gets rejected by a woman he has bought, paid for, and blown up, it’ll make that fella feel mighty deflated.
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KEEPIN’ UP WITH THE STUFFSES
It has come to our attention that the wimply li’l weasel at the blog ‘STUFFS’ posted an advertisement for a good, less expensive, American-made “5-Hour Energy drink”-like product called ENERGY 2000.
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Well, just to prove that ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ can keep up with the Stuffses, we want to tout a fine American-made product as well:
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These are plastic tumblers made by the TERVIS company in Venice, Florida. Tervis has been in business since 1946, and they are so convinced that their double-walled cups are indestructable that they will replace a broken one free of charge. (So far, Brother Nappy hasn’t broken his, and anything that can survive the Napster’s abuse will certainly survive YOURS!)
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Early last year I bought two of their tumblers – one holding 16 ounces and the other 24 ounces – at my local ‘Bed, Bath & Beyond’ store.
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These plastic cups are GREAT! First of all, they come decorated with almost every sort of design, slogan, and icon imaginable, in the form of a patch that is secured between the two plastic walls of the tumbler - everything from college and sports teams to local stuffs. [“Stuffs” – we HATE that word!]
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I bought one that includes a parrot overlooking a margarita, and it says “Wastin’ Away Again In Margaritaville”, and another one showing a skeleton seated under a saguaro cactus with the always popular local saying: ARIZONA: "…But It’s A Dry Heat."


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The tumblers are fantastic; I can’t believe how long and how cold they keep my beer. Once, I drank so much beer that I passed out, and when I regained consciousness 6 hours later and in San FranCrisco (don’t ask!), the beer in my tumbler was still almost as cold as it was when I passed out! That, people, is some serious quality - real attention to workmanship!
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All kidding aside, I LOVE my Tervis tumblers, and I’m sure you would too – ‘cept I ain’t given ‘em to ya. Buy yer own, damn-it!
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“LADY” AND THE MAROON
In the September 1, 2011 edition of Rolling Stone magazine, there was a short blurb titled ‘Lady And The Gramp’, pertaining to Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga (GagGag) recording the song “Lady And The Tramp” together for Bennett’s album ‘Duets II’.
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Bennett is quoted as saying of Lady Gaga: “I personally think she’s going to be as big as Elvis Presley”.
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I’ve always believed Tony Bennett was a vastly overrated singer, and my suspicion about him being a moron is now confirmed. I mean, let’s face it, you’ve got to be quite the maroon to think what Tony does about Lady GagGag. But regardless, the first thought that entered my mind upon reading that was this:
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Hell, ANYONE could be as big as Elvis Presley . . .
if they ate enough.
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SAY IT LOUD: I'M BLOG AND I'M PROUD!
This is just a shout-out to publicly acknowledge and express appreciation to and for the latest addition to the 'Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends' harem: Nitro Wilbury Babskiddo of the 'Far Away Series' blog. [That's pronounced "Bab-Skid-DUE", you know, like, "Bab-Skid-DUE"?]
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(Hi, Nitro.)
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'THIS WAS NOT A MARK GOODSON - BILL TODMAN PRODUCTION
In the 6th edition of ‘Sex, Tattoos & Violence R Us’, we included a link to the old (and long defunct) Disneyland attraction 'America Sings'Now that we have the technology, we are including the YouTube video on our own site.
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‘America Sings’, which existed in Tomorrowland from 1974 to early 1988, was one of my 3 favorite Disneyland attractions (and, surprisingly, like another one of my Top Three favorite attractions – ‘America the Beautiful’ in Circle-Vision – it was free of charge, with admission to the park).
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Here is a video of the great, Great, GREAT show (God knows how much I loved it!) :

America Sings - Happy 4th of July


[To see it full-screen, click the URL below...]

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This has been another fine Ariel O. O’Airedale & Stephen T. McCarthy production, brought to you by our sponsor the...
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'10  AT  2  KENNEL  KLUB  SALOON' 
Where  Every  Dog  Has  Its  Night 
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“Hey,  you,  put  that  bitch  on  a  leash!..." 

'F-FFF' ADDENDUM:
OK, y’all, the break is over and it’s time to get back to yer studies:
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One of the major points that the ‘Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends’ blog has attempted to illustrate over the years is that there is no significant difference between most professional Republicans and most professional Democrats (Ron Paul being the most notable exception).
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Our argument (which we have proven time and time again) is that one semi-secret, Elite entity controls BOTH major political parties and this ongoing public “argument” between them is a perfect example of the oldest trick in the book: Divide And Conquer. (Well, really, the OLDEST “trick” in the book is probably a “John” visiting a Soiled Dove but, you know, we’re talkin’ politics now.)
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The so-called “war” between the Dumb-O-Crats and the Repugnantcans is just theater for public consumption; both teams really work for the  “New World Order” oligarchy that will soon reveal itself openly.

Although the following article written by Gregory A. Hession and printed in ‘The New American’ magazine back on 9/1/2008 doesn’t come right out and say this, if you have any intelligence about you at all, it should be clear that the entire “Conservatives Vs. Liberals Show” has been mostly nothing but a ‘Punch & Judy’ show orchestrated by a single puppeteer. Yes, you were HAD! And you’re still being HAD if you’re still buying into that phony baloney façade . . .

Click Here:
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy (and Ariel O. O’Airedale)

Back Issues:

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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4 comments:

  1. Hi Stephen

    This would be quite the eclectic blog bit. Covered a whole lot of territory. Some of those picture hurt my eyes. I actually thought that Sexy Bi**h was exposing a completely different part of her anatomy. I guess I gotta get out more.

    Hey,I've been to Venice,Florida -used to live down the road from there, but don't hold that against me. Never saw any of those Tervis Tumblers though, but then I lead a pretty sheltered life. (See SB comment)

    FYI the 'America Sings' YouTube shuts my computer down - completely. Do you suppose it's subversive material? Maybe Google Chrome is trying to protect me from some subliminal message,or maybe Google Chrome wants it all to themselves.

    Harem Huh? We'll have to see how that works out. I don't like to share - certain things.

    I did think that if you ever wanted to change the name of these posts you could call it:

    "The American Way, just an artistic expression of my identity and how ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm after you've put an AK-47 in their hands."

    Probably not.

    Read 7 Remastered and S,T & V R US #1 -- workin' my way through. Whew!

    ReplyDelete
  2. FAE ~

    >>..."I actually thought that Sexy Bi**h was exposing a completely different part of her anatomy."

    A long time ago, somewhere on one of my blogs ('Stuffs', I think) I actually made a joke about the similarity between a busty babe and a plumber's... uh... you know, "overly exposed" backside. So I do understand how your confusion could have occurred.

    >>..."FYI the 'America Sings' YouTube shuts my computer down - completely."

    Aww, that's too bad! I was having the same problem here recently with SigToo's blog. Every time I clicked on it, I would get booted off the Internet immediately.

    That's weird stuffs I just can't 'splain. I have NO PROBLEM AT ALL viewing the "America Sings" video. I wish you could see it because it's really great.

    Maybe try using the URL link and watching it at the YouTube site instead of here on my blog. Or try Googling "America Sings - YouTube" and see if you can sneak up on it that way.

    This 'S.T.& V R US' series has a number of running "jokes" in it (the O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson, and Inflatable Girlfriend bits, primarily) and it is meant as a satirical look at "The American Way today".

    It's never been popular with any of my readers, although I like it (as is evident by the double-digit installments). I've never really expected anyone to "get me" and my brand of looniness.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
  3. I guess your girlfriend Ariel is never going to be singing "Under the Sea," huh?

    At least she can keep you company while you hope to find your Emily. And "hope floats," right?

    ReplyDelete
  4. >>..."And "hope floats," right?"

    Ha! Good one, SHEBOYGANBOY 6!
    [;o)}

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete

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